


Point of Origin

by Slybrarian



Series: Acceleration [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-22
Updated: 2008-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-03 14:29:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slybrarian/pseuds/Slybrarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evan Lorne absolutely does not have a crush on Rodney McKay. That's why his latest assignment - filling in for Colonel Sheppard off-world after an injury during a heroic rescue mission - will not be a problem at all. Nope, not in the least. Also featuring, in no particular order, botanical mischief, alien purity rituals, yoga, and bonus Winchester action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Point of Origin

**== Part 1 - Introductory Mechanics ==**

Evan Lorne would, if asked, freely tell you that he's been attracted to Rodney McKay for quite a while - really, pretty much since he met the man. Maybe Rodney wasn't the traditional kind of hot, but there was something about his loud, arrogant, pushy personality that made a part of Evan sit up and take notice. Once it became clear to Evan that the man was a lot braver than he seemed on first glance, that his arrogance was well-earned, and he was pretty damned skilled with his hands, it didn't surprise Evan a bit that he found himself starting to fall for Rodney hook, line, and sinker.

Fortunately for Evan, he had plenty of common sense, which told him that actually trying anything would probably be a horrible idea for everyone involved and especially for him. Evan liked to think of himself as a rational person. That sometimes made him the odd man out in Atlantis, but reason had served him well in the past and so he applied it to his situation.

Point the First: Rodney was loudly, even obnoxiously straight. His infatuation with Samantha Carter and his behavior towards other attractive women seemed to pretty well settle that matter, and Evan wasn't particularly into the 'seducing the straight guy' thing.

Addendum to Point the First: On the other hand, Evan had seen Rodney check out Ronon's ass at least twice in the first week after he arrived, and later he had seemed pretty interested on the naked fire dancing on M1X-545. Given Rodney's often-stated attraction to intelligence it was entirely possible his sexuality ran towards the 'yes please' part of the scale.

That was all beside the point, however, because of:

Point the Second: for most of the time Evan knew him, Rodney had been going out with Katie Brown. Loyalty and trust were the two values Evan held highest, and while he wasn't opposed to open relationships he was pretty sure that Rodney and Katie weren't in one. Evan wasn't going to try to lure Rodney away.

Addendum to Point the Second: Of course, it had been fairly obvious to half the base that Rodney and Katie wouldn't last. The only reason they lasted over two years was because they were both comfortable in the relationship and because they only occasionally spent long periods of time together. Eventually, though, Jeannie Miller had given her brother a push to take the relationship to a new level and the inevitable had happened. Following Rodney's spectacular failure to propose, the two split up amiably. Evan, of course, knew within an hour, because the botanists were horrible gossips and so David Parrish immediately informed Evan that he was free to make a move and do something about his "big gay man-crush."

Evan did no such thing, of course, because:

Point the Third: John Sheppard was a scary-ass motherfucker who occasionally frightened the shit out of Evan. At first, Evan had even thought he was sleeping with Rodney. However, after several months of careful observation ("stalking" according to Parrish), Evan decided that was unlikely, although whether that was because Sheppard wasn't really interested or because Rodney was dense was up to question. More important was his extremely protective nature when it came to his team and Rodney in particular, which made Evan fear for his own safety if he tried to go out with Rodney. Given Rodney's personality, the chances of a bad breakup were higher than average, and the chances of at least one bad fight approached certainty. If Rodney got hurt in the least, Evan knew there would never be a chance to make amends, let alone have makeup sex, because someone would find his mutilated body floating in the ocean. Sheppard would probably feel bad later, but that wouldn't help Evan.

Observation Related to Point the Third: John Sheppard was hot. Protective John Sheppard was even hotter. That was irrelevant, however, as he was Evan's CO and thus out of bounds.

Addendum to Point the Third: They were well into their fifth year working together and John Sheppard had long since become a close friend. Evan was now fairly certain he wouldn't actually murder Evan if he made a move on Rodney. He was also sure that Sheppard was gay himself, and if there was one thing Sheppard wasn't it was a hypocrite, so Evan was safe from any official trouble. That didn't guarantee he wouldn't end up with broken bones or otherwise maimed, though, at least not without resorting to hiding behind Teyla.

In any case, Evan hadn't known about most of the positive information for quite a while and so he had firmly locked away his feelings for Rodney away. He had been in the Air Force for nearly twenty years and by then hiding that sort of thing was second nature to him. He couldn't help becoming friends with the man, though, and they occasionally spent time together bonding over things like puddle jumpers, frequent rescue missions, and mutual despair for a certain daredevil lieutenant colonel's tendency to get himself into trouble and how it would inevitably lead to the two of them going gray decades early. It worked remarkably well, all things considered.

Still, friendship was one thing, a relationship was another, and so Evan went looking for alternatives in the hope of not crushing on Rodney quite so much. Early on, about six months after arriving in Atlantis, Evan took a cue from Rodney and found himself a botanist. He and David Parrish went on a few dates and soon decided that while they were probably never going to love each as more than friends they were comfortable together until one of them found someone else. David had an annoying tendency to phrase it, "keeping you in practice until you admit your undying love", but Evan put up with him anyways. Yes, even after four years Evan was still carrying a torch for Rodney, but he had it well under control. There had been a few slip-ups here and there, like that time they'd had to cuddle for warmth in a _completely platonic_ manner, but Evan had it well under control no matter what any of his friends said. Sooner or later he'd find someone else, and Rodney would never be the wiser.

Then Sheppard broke his leg and that entire plan went right out the window.

 

**== Part 2 - Anatomy ==**

The day started off perfect. That probably had been the first sign that something was going to go wrong, but in Pegasus so many things were signs that something was going to go wrong that Evan could forgive himself for missing that one. He began his morning by waking up to a blowjob, and as much as he despised mornings on principle he had to admit that certainly made getting up worth it.

"That was unexpected," he said afterwards, red-faced and short of breath.

Beside him David chuckled. "I was up to check on some new plants anyways and I figured I'd surprise you."

"Consider me surprised."

"Anything interesting going on today?"

"No, not really. Meetings, making sure Winchester the Elder hasn't shot someone, more meetings. The usual." Evan paused and scratched lazily at his stomach. "Sheppard's team will be off-world, though, so maybe I can get out of some of that."

David poked him in the side. "I'd be careful about saying that sort of thing if I were you."

Evan grinned. "Maybe, but I really don't think there's any way I can possibly add to their bad luck."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Whatever." Evan sat up and stretched. "I've got a good feeling about today. I'm not going to let you get me down."

In retrospect, Evan had to agree with David and admit that had been a really fucking stupid thing to say.

Breakfast was almost as good as his wake-up call, because there was real bacon being served. Not freeze-dried and shipped between galaxies bacon, not weird tree-dwelling koala-pig bacon, but honest to God bacon fresh from the genuine pigs on Lorcanis. In fact, it may very well have been better than the blowjob, because he got those all the time while real bacon was a rare treat to be prized. It was entirely possible that some of the others in the expedition would have different views, but they should have been smart enough to get a friendly botanist of their own.

As Evan ate he half-listened to David talk about the latest news coming out of botany. Some of it involved plants, such as the continued quest to grow a citrus-free orange and the discovery of new, more productive breeds of corn. Even more of it involved the latest gossip from around the city. Botany was one of the central clearing houses for finding out what was going on in Atlantis, because they produced the only reliable source of non-medical stimulants whenever the SGC forgot to include the correct amount of coffee on supply runs. Those who controlled the caffeine controlled the universe, and so everyone was eager to stay on their good side. Evan listened purely out of professional interests, of course, so that he knew of any possible problems that he might need to keep an eye on.

David suddenly stopped talking, right in the middle of a mildly amusing story about Warrington's continued quest to get into Winchester the Younger's pants, and he smirked. "You should look behind you."

"Why?" Evan asked suspiciously.

"Why are you asking? Just look."

"Because you're up to something, that's why."

"I know it's your job to be paranoid, Major, but I'm trying to do you a favor. Team Sheppard's over by the window and it looks like your One True Love is enjoying his meal."

"He's not my one true love," Evan said, just as he had done a thousand times.

"Well, whatever he is, it looks like he's about to cream his pants."

Evan couldn't help himself and twisted around in his chair. Across the mess Rodney looked positively rapturous. Thankfully his eyes were shut and so he couldn't see Evan staring, but beside him Teyla quirked an eyebrow. Evan immediately turned back around, face red.

"Still sure you're not interested?" David asked.

"Shut up," Evan grumbled.

"You know, I bet Teyla would set you up," David went on. "Or maybe Zelenka could tell you when he's alone in the lab."

"I'm not listening to you anymore."

David eventually took the hint and let it drop, although Evan was sure that within a few days he'd mention it again. After they finished eating they split up, David heading back to botany and Evan going to his office. Along the way he came across Winchester the Elder, who immediately drew himself up straight.

"Good morning, sir!"

 

"Good morning, Captain."

"I just want you to know, sir, that I'm sorry about what happened with Sergeant Warrington and that it won't happen again as long as he behaves."

"Sergeant Warrington?" Evan said, puzzled. "What about him?"

Dean looked flummoxed for a second before flashing Evan a brilliant grin. "Absolutely nothing, sir. Have a good day, sir."

Evan watched Dean go and shrugged, figuring that it was probably safer not to know. When he reached the command office, he found Major Teldy and First Sergeant Stackhouse waiting for him around the table in the center. The command office was a large, airy room with a good view, a large table, numerous chairs, and most importantly a mini-kitchen complete with a fridge. Evan, Sheppard, and Stackhouse shared it and they each their own smaller rooms connected to the main office, but Sheppard only showed up for meetings, scheduled office hours, or when he was hiding. There was also a desk out in the main office, waiting for the day when they finally got a secretary.

"Morning, Anne, Stacks," Evan said as he sat down. "You guys ready to discuss future operations and organization? I know I'm excited as hell, how about you?"

"Oorah," Stackhouse answered.

"Positively ecstatic," Teldy said dryly with a perfect poker face. "We actually came bearing gifts."

"Oh? What kind of gifts?" Evan asked.

Teldy bent down under the table and came up with a stack of thick binders. "Our latest directives, suggestions, and queries, sir. This one is from the Air Force," she tossed a binder into the center of the table with a thump, "this one from the Marine Corps, Stargate Command, U.S. Transitional Space Command, NATO Space Command, and finally the IOA." As she named each organization she tossed the binder onto the center pile, except for the last, which ended up on the floor.

Evan raised an eyebrow once she was done. "Tell me you didn't waste paper printing all those out."

"Oh, no, sir. They came in a box shoved through the wormhole yesterday afternoon. Apparently they're important enough to expend the power and pay for express shipping."

"Wonderful. Did they send electronic copies, too?"

"Yes, sir. Oh, and this was at the top." Teldy slid a single piece of paper across the table and Evan read it.

> ~~Sheppard~~ Lorne,
> 
> Ignore all this bullshit except for the parts I emailed you guys separately. It'll all be changed again by next week anyways.
> 
> \- O'Neill

The U.S. military, at the direction of President Hayes, was in the middle of rationalizing the organizational structure used to handle matters of planetary security. Until recently things had grown in a haphazard manner, with new units being added on as the stargate program had grown, starting with just the SGC and Area 51 and expanding to include the NID , the starships, F-302 squadrons, and numerous off-world bases such as the Alpha Site and Atlantis. While everything had been put together at the start of Hayes' administration under Homeworld Security, it was still a tangled mess and the president had decided it would be best to have the military reorganized before disclosure occurred. That meant that the future roles of each branch had to be determined, and at the top layers of the Pentagon the inter-service war to end all wars was occurring. Control over the warships was the biggest issue, as the Navy wanted them and the Air Force wasn't about to give them up without a fight.

Fortunately, the president had gotten General O'Neill promoted to four-star status despite his lack of seniority and placed him firmly in charge of making sense of the mess. This had horrified even the other Air Force generals and made everyone actually in the Stargate program extremely happy, regardless of their branch. For them, it meant things were a thousand times better than they could have been, if not necessarily more sane. Atlantis had been spared most of the bureaucratic storm so far, sheltered by sheer distance, mountains of IOA red tape, and O'Neill's good graces.

"Well then," Evan said, tossing the paper down. "I guess all that goes in the recycle bin. How about we talk about mission schedules instead?"

"Gladly, sir," Stackhouse said.

Mission scheduling was always interesting, as it involved reading cryptic database entries that were ten thousand years old, various suggestions made by Teyla or other Athosians, and no small amount of divination. Any mission that was expected to involve specific specialties were assigned first - Sheppard's team took anything involving Ancient technology because of Rodney, for example, while Evan usually took biology ones. Generic first-contact or exploration missions were then split up between the four main teams to even the numbers out, with the lieutenants and various marine squads getting most of the follow-up and escort missions that didn't require senior leadership.

 

"Okay, M9R-717," Evan said about an hour in. "A matriarchal society, according to Teyla. We could either have you take that, Anne, or move one of Sheppard's missions so Teyla could be present."

"Really," Teldy said, giving him a pointed look.

"My team obviously can't take it," Evan replied with a small smile, "because one way or another one of the Winchesters will mess it up somehow."

She chuckled. "Fair enough."

"Next up, an escort mission taking Doctor Johansen and a pair of nurses on a courtesy visit to P5X-108." Evan glanced around the table. "Either of you have a problem sending Lieutenant Fredericks to Alpaca Planet?"

"No, sir," they replied simultaneously.

Before Evan could go something on his radio caught his attention. He had the control room's channel open at a low volume, listening for certain words. This was typical for him when Sheppard's team was off-world, not because he was concerned for a specific member of the team but because in his experience there was a good chance he would be needed for one reason or another. Now he had just heard the words, "medical team" and "jumper bay".

He held up a hand to his companions and tapped his earpiece. "Control room, this is Lorne. Is something up?"

"Chuck here, sir. Colonel Sheppard's team has returned and requested a medical team. It sounds like the Colonel has been injured, but not seriously. I was just about to radio you."

"There's no emergency, then?"

"No, sir, it sounds like it was just an accident."

"Thanks, Chuck."

"No problem, sir."

Evan looked at Teldy and Stackhouse, who were watching him pensively. He smiled at them and shrugged. "Sounds like Sheppard ran into some trouble off-world. Nothing major, though."

"What's our imperious leader gotten himself into this time?" Stackhouse asked with a smile of his own. Teldy shot him an annoyed look, because even after seven months in Atlantis and a few explanations about the Way Things Work, she still had conflicted feelings about Sheppard, his leadership abilities, and proper decorum. None the less, she also looked to Evan curiously.

"I don't know, but if you guys don't mind cutting this short I'd like to go up and check things out."

"That's fine with me, sir," Teldy said. Stackhouse nodded as well, looking entirely too amused about something, and Evan shot him a sharp glare. That only made Stackhouse smile even more.

"All right, then. I'll see you both later."

Evan calmly walked, not ran, to the infirmary at a pace befitting an officer of his rank and position. He even took the long way so that he wouldn't show up too soon and annoy Keller. When he arrived, he found a bored-looking Ronon leaning against the wall outside the infirmary.

"Morning, Ronon," Evan said with a polite nod.

"Morning."

"Any reason you're hanging around out here instead of inside?"

Ronon snorted. "McKay."

"Fair enough." Even stepped through the infirmary door and was immediately drawn through the outer waiting area to one of the wards further in by the sound of yelling.

"I mean, honestly, it was just a cat! What kind of complete moron gets himself put into the infirmary because of a cat? I mean, I love cats as much as the next person, but there is a limit to what I am willing to do for them, and risking life and limb for a creature that didn't even seem to be concerned until Colonel Nitwit started to bother it is way, way on the other side of that limit!"

Rodney was standing in the middle of the room and gesticulating wildly at Teyla, but other than the reddish color of his face he looked perfectly fine. Teyla appeared fine as well, although her expression was slowly moving from genuinely patient to politely exasperated.

Evan grinned before experimentally frowning a little and putting on his best "Yes, sir, I really am concerned, sir" game face. He walked over to the pair and put a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "You okay, doc?"

Rodney looked at him and calmed down slightly. "Huh? Oh, it's you. Well, _I'm_ fine."

"How about you, Teyla?"

"I am fine as well, Major. Thank you for asking."

"So what happened?"

"Colonel Sheppard..." Teyla hesitated. "Fell from a tree."

"While trying to rescue a kitten," Rodney added scathingly. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Typical, really. He hears the word 'help' and off he runs to be the hero. It's positively Pavlonian."

"A kitten," Evan repeated, unable to stop his growing smile.

"It was perhaps a bit old to be called a kitten, but it belonged to a young girl," Teyla explained.

"Who of course immediately went to Sheppard," Rodney butted in. "Because of course no one else could have helped but him."

"As I was about to say," Teyla went on while shooting Rodney a sharp glance. "The child's pet was in the tree and would not come down, and so Colonel Sheppard agreed to retrieve it for her. It was perhaps a dozen feet up and out on a branch. He climbed the tree without difficulty and was trying to coax it down, when the branch broke and he fell."

"There was this loud crack first. You should have seen Sheppard's face, it was like, like," Rodney scrunched up his face. Evan supposed that if Sheppard had looked constipated it was accurate, although that probably wasn't what Rodney was going for. "Then there was another crack and down he came. The cat walked away fine, but the branch landed on his leg. When he tried to stand up he fell back down, did that stupid stoic smile of his while gasping in pain, and said, 'Yep, that's broken', which is probably a feeling he knows pretty well given how often he abuses his body."

Evan winced in sympathy and nodded. He had managed to get through his career with rather less injuries than Sheppard, but he could imagine how much it must have hurt. He patted Rodney's shoulder. "Well, I'm sure he'll be fine, then. A broken leg's nothing."

"Well, sure, for him it's," at which point Rodney stopped and looked at where Evan's hand rested on his shoulder with a puzzled look, as if it was a strange piece of Ancient technology waiting to be deciphered. Evan quickly withdrew it, and Rodney went on, "For him it's nothing, but that doesn't mean he'll be fine. I mean, do you know how many possible complications could arise? Blood clots that travel to the brain or the leg could get gangrenous, or who knows what sort of strange Pegasus life form could take advantage of his weakened state. I got a little wet and something started growing inside my head."

"None of which is going to happen," Doctor Keller said as she entered the ward from the examination area.

"How is he, doc?" Evan asked when she reached them.

"Yes, how badly has he maimed himself this time?" Rodney added a moment later.

Keller looked between Evan and Rodney. "Have any of you ever heard of doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"What?" Rodney crossed his arms. "I'm his best friend, I can know."

"This could potentially affect military operations, ma'am, so I need to know in case it affects my duties and his."

All three of them looked to Teyla, who serenely said, "I am familiar with the concept, and if Colonel Sheppard does not wish the information shared I will not pry."

Rodney snorted and muttered, "Yeah, right."

"Never mind," Keller said. "He fractured his tibia where the branch fell on his leg, but was a pretty clean break and there's no serious damage. There's also a small hairline fracture on his fibula and the ankle is sprained. We've set the break, put a cast on his leg, and doped him up. He'll probably be up for visitors in a couple of hours."

"Why a couple of hours?" Rodney asked.

"Because he's sleeping and pumped full of painkillers?" Keller said. "It's not life-threatening at all, so there's no reason for your team to clutter up my infirmary for days on end. Go and find something to do for a few hours and I'll call you once he's awake."

Rodney pouted. "I hardly think that's fair."

"I'd be more forgiving if last time you hadn't held a science staff meeting in the recovery room," Keller said, "and if you hadn't reduced two of your staff to crying wrecks right in front of me before I kicked you all out."

"It's not my fault that Cassell and Baschelet are crybabies."

"Get out."

Teyla nodded. "We shall return when he is ready."

"Come on, Rodney," Evan said. "I'm feeling a bit hungry, want to join me for lunch?"

Rodney considered it. "Well, I suppose I could eat."

"I think there's going to be brownies."

"Oh, well, in that case, certainly."

"Let's go, we wouldn't want to miss them." Evan and Rodney turned to leave, and as they went Evan pretended not to see the amused look that passed between Teyla and Keller.

Lunch was great. In general the food in Atlantis was pretty good, both because they got a lot of fresh produce and because the SGC sent mostly high-quality supplies thanks to the tireless efforts of Evan and Staff Sergeant Ko, who had fought and won a bureaucratic war with the SGC supply department that had left their opposite numbers sobbing for mercy. Logistics was his specialty and while he certainly preferred exploration work, he always made sure to keep the basics in mind. In this case, the basics meant chili, fresh cornbread, and fruit salad, which in turn meant Evan was getting a second round of Rodney's earlier performance up close.

"This is really good," Rodney mumbled around a mouthful of cornbread.

"I know," Evan said, eating a bite of his chili and watching Rodney.

"I mean, seriously, it's delicious. Who knew Marines could cook this good?"

Evan raised an eyebrow. "Well, sure, the Marines do all the prep work, cleanup, and a lot of the actual cooking, but it's Doctor Holtzer who makes most of the recipes and runs things."

Rodney frowned, swallowed, and asked, "Who?"

"Doctor Margaret Holtzer? Dietitian and five-star chef, makes sure all the food is safe and nutritious?"

"We have a dietitian?"

"Rodney, she's been here longer than I have."

"Huh." Rodney shrugged and took another bite of cornbread.

"Who did you think was making sure everything was citrus-free and putting allergy labels on the food?"

Rodney waved a hand toward in the general direction of the labs. "Biochem or medical."

"They do the lab work. Maybe I should introduce..." Evan paused in mid-sentence, evaluating the possible results of Rodney meeting Holtzer. She was usually a nice person, but he wasn't about to underestimate Rodney's ability to mess up first impressions, especially since it would inevitably come out that he'd somehow forgotten about her for over six years. "Never mind. Actually, if you ever need something special on short notice, just talk to me and I could arrange it for you."

"Special?"

"You know, nice dinner, some kind of special treat for someone, that kind of thing." The military planning part of Evan's mind immediately started to consider various sorts of citrus-free dinners that he could arrange, maybe something he could prepare himself in the tiny kitchenette his quarters had, and what sort of music would be best for such an occasion. He clamped down on those thoughts at once.

"If I ever need that kind of service again, Major, I'll keep your offer in mind." Rodney had finished the main part of his meal and now he started in on his dessert. The instant he bit into his brownie his eyes fluttered shut and he let out a long, deep moan. Evan could feel his face get red and he shifted in his seat to adjust his pants a little, and he couldn't stop staring until Rodney had wolfed down the entire treat.

"Wow," Rodney said. "I think they must have used real chocolate in these."

Evan looked at his own brownie, which had caramel drizzled on top and looked moist and delicious. He picked it up and sat it on Rodney's tray. "Here, you can have mine."

The delighted expression on Rodney's face and the subsequent noises he made were completely worth the sacrifice. Evan knew he was playing with fire, but he figured he probably wouldn't see Rodney again for a while anyways and so it was safe enough.

They split up after that. Evan went off to another round of meetings, this time about security patrols, the next week's schedule of mainland flights, and idle speculation about why Warrington showed up for roll call with two black eyes and swollen lips. Rodney went off to one of his labs, presumably to do science or berate his minions. Towards the end of the afternoon Evan made sure to stop by the infirmary, where he found Sheppard sitting up in a hospital bed and playing a video game. The tip of his tongue was sticking out past his lips as he concentrated on the game.

"Good afternoon, sir."

Sheppard paused his game and looked up. "Howdy, Major."

"How are you feeling, sir?"

"Okay, I guess. I like to think that anything that doesn't require surgery is just a bump."

"I suppose that's one way to think of things, sir."

"Do you know what happened?"

Evan grinned. "I heard that you were injured while performing a rescue operation involving valuable livestock in order to promote good relations with the local population, which you managed to carry out successfully despite your injuries, sir."

Sheppard chuckled. "This is exactly why I have you proof my reports, Lorne. You speak the enemy's language."

"Local knowledge is the key to air power, sir. Has Doctor Keller given you any idea when you'll be up and about?"

"No, she hasn't," Sheppard said with a grimace. "But it's just a broken leg, how long can it take?"

"I'd be careful about what I was saying if I were you."

"Oh, come on." Sheppard rolled his eyes and then raised his voice to say, "Don't worry, Major, I'm positive that nothing interesting will happen while I'm down, and that you won't have any extra work or crises to deal with!"

Evan ducked his head and covered his mouth his hand to hide a grin. "Fuck you."

"Excuse me, Major?"

"I'm sorry. Fuck you, sir."

"That's better. Now scram, I've got better things to do than entertain you."

Evan spent the rest of the evening working on one of his portraits of the Atlantean sunset. After that, it was team movie night. He and David were crammed together on his couch between the Winchesters, who apparently weren't speaking with each other at the moment for reasons that probably involved the word 'overprotective'. The movie was good, at least, and it was entertaining to listen to the brothers verbally spar without actually addressing each other.

All things considered, it turned to be a pretty good day. That was, of course, the trap.

 

**== Part 3 - Organizational Leadership ==**

The trouble started, as many things did these days, with Richard Woolsey. Evan longed for the days of Sam Carter and Elizabeth Weir, because while Woolsey was a decent enough guy he really had no business running a military base, a scientific research facility, or an intergalactic expedition, let alone a place that was all three at once. He would make an excellent financial controller, and he could probably do brilliant things if put in charge of something like shipbuilding or managing contractors, but as a commander he had some rather large downsides.

"You want me to take over Colonel Sheppard's team while he's on restricted duty?" Evan repeated.

For example, Colonel Carter would have known that you didn't screw around with established off-world teams without good reason. Sure, you sent them on joint missions, slotted in new members as old ones moved on to better things, maybe brought along extra scientists or marines as needed, but the core teams were stable. The standard setup for exploratory SG teams had been a proven success for more than a decade and it worked for a reason. It took time to learn how other team members thought and acted, what their skill sets were, and that period was the most dangerous. The vast majority of serious casualties occurred in the first six months of a team's existence, or the first three or so for a new member of an established team. Once you found something that worked, you stuck with it. It was the main reason the practice of allowing SG teams to remain intact for absurd periods of time had been established in the first place.

Woolsey should have understood that, being a numbers man. Instead, though, he seemed to focus in more on the fact that his premier team was sitting idle while Sheppard was down. Idle was a relative term, of course, since Teyla and Rodney had plenty of other things to do, but Woolsey often saw things in relative terms.

"It will only be for a short time," Woolsey said. "Perhaps a month and a half."

"A month tops," Sheppard put in.

"I'm just saying, if it's only going to be a month, it might not be worth the trouble of disrupting both of our teams," Evan said.

"From what I've heard and read, you've worked closely with his team on numerous occasions before," Woolsey pointed out. "That includes times when Colonel Sheppard has been missing or otherwise preoccupied. Furthermore, I would prefer not to reschedule some of the higher-priority missions that are coming up, especially the trade negotiations. Unless you really think you're not up to it?"

"Lorne's just being modest," Sheppard said. "I can't think of a better guy to handle things and my team loves him."

Evan did work really well with Team Sheppard and had covered for Sheppard before, usually when the man had gotten himself kidnapped or otherwise disappeared. He always enjoyed joint missions, too, except when they turned into complete disasters. No, it wasn't that he didn't want to work with them - it was that long periods of close proximity to Rodney exponentially increased the possibility of something going horribly, horribly wrong.

The problem was that he couldn't actually say any of that.

"Well, if you insist, sir," Evan sighed. "I'll need to find someone to handle my administrative duties if I'm going to be off-world twice as much, but I'm sure that since the colonel will be on light duty he can help out."

Sheppard narrowed his eyes while Woolsey smiled genially. "That would be excellent. With the organizational changes back home, I have no doubt that Colonel Sheppard has plenty to work on. I'm sure your own second in command can take some of your team's less important mission on his own, as well."

Evan and Sheppard shared a skeptical glance. "We'll work out an arrangement, sir. Is there anything else?"

"No, you're dismissed."

Evan and Sheppard stood up and left Woolsey's office, Sheppard limping along with a crutch as he went. As they exited the control room and headed for the nearest transporter, Sheppard turned his head to grin broadly at Evan.

"Do you know what my current favorite word is, Major?"

Evan shook his head. "No, sir, I can't say that I do."

"Defenestration." Sheppard showed even more teeth. "It's what will happen to you if something happens to my team on your watch. Just so you know."

"Message received, sir. Just so you know, I have a favorite word, too."

"Oh?"

"Paperwork. Also, 'inevitable' and 'trouble-magnets'."

Sheppard laughed aloud. "Got it, Lorne." They passed through the transporter and into the corridor outside their office. When they got inside, Sheppard stopped suddenly and turned to face Evan. "Lorne. With all seriousness, I wouldn't let them go out with someone else leading them if it was anyone but you. I'd rather send just the three of them than do that. I can only think of a two or three other people I'd trust with this job and one of them's dead."

"Thank you, sir. It means a lot to me to know that."

Sheppard limped across the room, where got himself settled into an armchair near the window and propped his leg up on the coffee table in front of it. "Don't let it go to your head."

Evan grabbed their computers from their desks and sat down in the chair next to him. "I'll try not to, sir. If you don't mind me asking, who else would you trust?"

Sheppard was quiet for a second before answering, "Cameron Mitchell."

Evan nodded. He had served with the man a lifetime ago as a green lieutenant and had come away with nothing but good impressions, and he was hard-pressed to think of anyone better to handle the stranger and more dangerous events that came up in Pegasus than the leader of SG-1. "He's a good man."

"The best." Sheppard grinned crookedly. "After myself, of course."

"Of course."

"Now, I suppose if I'm going to be stuck on base for a while, I may as well make myself useful and work on some of this space commander stuff."

Evan powered on his tablet. "It would be helpful, yes. I've prepared a summary of current affairs for you, and we've received a few new directives from General O'Neill. He's also requested our input regarding multinational operations."

Sheppard leaned back. "Let me have it."

The impromptu briefing was remarkably painless, because for all that Sheppard avoided doing the more pointless bureaucratic make-work like the plague he was always on top of the truly important administrative matters, like personnel actions, supply inventories, and strategic planning. Keeping on top of changes at home that might affect Atlantis was something Sheppard always did, even if he relied on Evan to filter out the dross and translate the latest Pentagon buzzwords into English. Evan suspected that Sheppard was paying even more attention than usual and if his occasional smirks were anything to go by he was also enjoying the idea of directly advising O'Neill, probably because he knew how most of his former COs would react to Sheppard forming top-level military policy.

Later that afternoon Evan was in the gym with Teyla for one of their regular exercise and sparring sessions. They had always been friendly enough, but they had grown much closer during her pregnancy, especially when Sheppard had been acting like a complete ass. The two of them were doing something he half-jokingly called combat yoga, a mix of Athosian and Jaffa training katas mixed with yoga exercises Evan had been doing since he was young. Evan was barefoot and wearing a threadbare t-shirt and exercise shorts; Teyla was in her usual sparring attire. If he had been a little straighter, he probably would have really appreciated the view as she bent and twisted.

"I have heard," Teyla said as they went through a series of stretches while kneeling, "that you will be joining the team for a time, while John is unable to go off-world."

"That's right."

"I am glad that is the case. Working with you is always enjoyable."

"Likewise." Evan bent over backwards to touch his heels and felt something pop in his back. "Hopefully it won't cause any trouble."

"On the contrary, it may make at least one of our missions go more smoothly. While John does not mean to, at times his presence can be disruptive to negotiations."

Evan chuckled. "Let me guess - talks with a leader who has a teenage daughter. Is this a planet where the father will be annoyed or want to marry her off?"

"The former. John often fails to realize when they have a crush on him and thus does not discourage the attraction, which can lead to complications."

"Well, I'll do my best to keep any nubile young girls from getting the wrong idea." Evan lay down on his back and stuck his legs up in the air.

"That is good. However, perhaps this next month will present you with the opportunity to encourage the attention of other parties."

"Oh, God, not you too."

Even though Evan couldn't see her face, he could tell Teyla was smiling from the warmth in her voice. "I am simply pointing out that going off-world can encourage two people to bond and discover new things about each other."

"La la la, I'm not listening," Evan said. He pulled his legs down across his chest, which of course was when the door opened and Rodney came in.

"Teyla! There you are; I've been looking all over for you. Did you know that Sheppard's on light duty for a month and that instead of letting me actually get some extra research done Woolsey's gotten it into his head to send us out with Lorne instead? I mean, don't get me wrong, he's way better than any other grunt, but do you have any idea how awkward - oh." Rodney finally realized that it was Evan on the next mat over. "Uh. Hello, Major."

Evan was immediately and painfully aware of three things: that he was on his back with his feet next to his head, that his ass was slightly lifted and pointed straight at McKay, and that his shorts had slipped down his legs to leave his thighs bare and his boxer-briefs exposed. Evan let his legs go back to a more natural position and propped himself up on his elbows.

"Hi," was all he could think to say.

Teyla, for her part, continued to hold the position until the proper amount of time had passed before relaxing and sitting up. "Good afternoon, Rodney. Yes, I had heard. Evan and I were just discussing it, in fact."

Rodney looked like a deer in headlights and he couldn't take his eyes away from Evan. "Oh. Well, of course you have. Lorne, um, I didn't mean anything against you personally, just Woolsey. It's great that you'll be with us. I have the utmost confidence in your abs - abilities! As a team leader!"

Evan glanced down and realized his shirt was rucked up, exposing a few inches of stomach and a trail of hair leading into the also-visible waistband of his underwear. He quickly tugged his shirt back down and grinned up at Rodney. "I'm happy to hear that, Rodney."

"As am I," Teyla said. "I was just assuring Evan that he would be very welcome and that you in particular would be accepting of his presence."

"You were?" Rodney frowned and glanced between Teyla and Evan, probably trying to figure out if he'd just been insulted. "Why?"

"Well, I know how much you worry about your safety," Evan said, shooting Teyla a death-glare, "and I wasn't sure you'd think I was up to the task."

"What?" Now Rodney definitely sounded insulted. "Why would I think that? I've had my life saved by you enough times to realize that you're very good at the entire protecting thing and for an Air Force officer you're remarkably intelligent."

Evan felt stupidly giddy about that and felt himself start to blush. "Remarkably intelligent?"

"It's a relative thing, but for someone without a doctorate, yes, although I'm starting to question that judgment."

"Cool."

Rodney rocked back and forth on his heels a few times before blurting out, "Yes, well, in any case I'm sure you'll be a great ass for the team. Asset! A great asset." He stopped, tilted his head slightly while pretending to hear something on his radio, and said, "I need to go to the lab, Zelenka says that, um, the marine biologists have... melted something. Yeah. Bye!"

Rodney rushed off. When the door closed behind him, Evan dropped his head to the mat with a thump. "I am so fucked."

"One hopes so, yes."

Evan blinked and turned his head to look at her. She looked back at him serenely, and after a moment they both started to laugh uncontrollably.

**== Part 4 - Intro to International Relations ==**

Three days later, Evan's first mission with the team was a huge success. It was the meeting Teyla had mentioned in the gym. Teyla handled most of the negotiations, with Evan only occasionally supplying information about available manpower and schedules. Ronon sat silently through the entire two hours of talks. Rodney was also strangely quiet and distracted, fidgeting on the bench next to Evan the entire time and only speaking up briefly to proclaim how brilliant he was and how the engineers on his staff were, while not quite up to his level, more than capable of doing simple civil engineering projects without destroying everything. A fair deal was made that left both sides happy - a share of the crops in exchange for a few engineers and a horde of marines to build a new bridge - and no one was run off the planet for seducing anyone's daughter.

As soon as they returned home and cleared medical, Rodney sped off without a word. Ronon chuckled at that and Teyla looked vaguely annoyed. Evan just shrugged and went off to give Woolsey and Sheppard his initial mission report. The next couple of missions went much the same way. They went off world, looked around the place, made nice with the locals, and came back home. Rodney was still strangely subdued, and while Evan hoped it was just because the missions were boring, he suspected it was because things were off-kilter with Evan there instead of Sheppard.

Evan's own team went on two missions without him, taking Corporal Solana along to fill his space. The first was uneventful. The second mission resulted in the discovery of a new species of fern and was interrupted when a Wraith officer showed up without warning. As David told it that night, the Wraith was even more surprised to see them than they were to see it, and had been quickly dispatched after Winchester the Younger blew its face off with his beloved combat shotgun.

All things considered, things would have been going great if Rodney hadn't suddenly become so damned quiet.

Evan tried not to worry about it and went about his business, until he came to a spot on his calendar marked, _"City Exploration w/McKay: Southwest pier, 1100h"_. The expedition had been there for five, nearly six years and they still hadn't really explored the entire city. Everything had been given a once over, or at least they thought so, but there was no single complete map and the Ancients had never been good at putting signs up as far as they could tell. That meant there were still teams going from room to room in every tower, trying to figure out what secrets the city still held. Sheppard's appointment with Rodney was a standing weekly deal, as much about having fun as really exploring as far as Evan had ever been able to tell. He probably could just ignore it and no one would ever notice.

Instead, Evan made his way to the lab at 1050 and leaned in the door. "Hey, McKay. You ready to head out?"

Rodney's head appeared from behind a laptop. "Head out where?"

"Southwest pier, unless you've got somewhere else you want to check out."

Rodney just looked at him blankly for a minute, until Evan started to wonder if he'd made a mistake in coming, if he'd encroached a bit too far on Sheppard's territory. Just as he was about to make his apologies and retreat with his tail between his legs, Rodney nodded and got up from his chair, grabbing his other tablet and waving his hands as he joined Evan.

"Right, right. I forgot it was that time. You would not believe the sort of stupid crap that I have to put up with around here. I'm surrounded by imbeciles."

"I wouldn't believe it?" Evan grinned. "Oh, I bet I would."

"Somehow, Major, I doubt that very much, because you do not have to work with these people. Oh, I'll admit Zelenka is pretty smart, and that Simpson and Kusanagi are both reasonably competent, but the rest of them are about two seconds away from vaporizing us all at any given moment and it's all Zelenka and I can do to keep them supervised and pointed away from the dangerous technology."

As Rodney spoke they walked down the hall, took a trip through a transporter, and entered the armory. Evan watched as Rodney signed out a sidearm, expertly checked the chamber and put in a magazine, and then strapped on a thigh holster. It was completely understandable Evan's eyes lingered on Rodney's fingers as he worked and that he appreciated how nice the holster looked on Rodney. Luckily, neither Rodney nor the corporal at the desk noticed, and soon they were off to get some exploring done.

"I have to ride herd on over two hundred marines, airman, and soldiers, Rodney. I'm pretty sure that I can match you stupid idea for stupid idea."

Rodney snorted. "Please. Yes, in theory, I'm sure they can do some pretty stupid things, but you're at the top of your little authoritarian control scheme, with layers of underlings to keep it out of your sight. I, on the other hand, may have other science department heads who answer to me, but I still have to deal directly with the physicists. Also, those department heads? Idiots, most of them."

"Hey, botany's not bad," Evan felt compelled to say.

"Yes, yes, they're useful for keeping us eating and Parrish knows better that to waste my time, but that really doesn't make up for the zoologists, let alone the social scientists."

Another quick transporter trip sent them out to a building on the pier, a somewhat tall one with a vaguely oval-ish shape. They started about halfway up, for no reason Evan could tell, although he supposed it was where Sheppard and Rodney had left off last time. Evan let Chuck know they were out there and followed along behind Rodney as he started to poke through rooms.

"Anyways," Evan said as they walked down the corridor and randomly examined doors and side halls, "that's beside the point. I may be almost at the top, but the key word is almost. I'm the base XO, which means, among other things, I have to take care of disciplinary issues. God knows Sheppard can't help."

Rodney snorted. "He'd just encourage them."

"Exactly! He's only useful when I need to scare the shit out of someone. Now, sure, Stackhouse manages to deal with a lot of the enlisted, but I still have to take care of the more spectacular incidents, and I have to watch over the officers. Trust me, the lieutenants are good guys and they're fine leaders, but they're still twenty-something kids who can't be left alone for long periods."

"Mmm, true. My department does have a lack of people who are barely out of puberty," Rodney said. "Other than a few annoying prodigies and gene-carriers like Winston, that is."

"Winchester. You should be glad you got the polite brother."

"However, I doubt any of them have ever managed to do anything quite so stupid as, say, what Vogler in chemistry did yesterday. Apparently he was experimenting with some kind of new aerogel for insulation, only he misread the Ancient formula, got the proportions wrong, and filled his entire lab with foam. We still haven't managed to figure out how to dissolve it."

"Sergeant Quintero and Havildar Gangadharan discovered that something in talek-berry juice reacts with copper and ethanol to create an astoundingly disgusting and foul-smelling sludge, which resulted the in a decon team spending four hours cleaning out a closet on level fifty."

"Doctor Giodano turned on the Miniature Hadron Collider without checking the safety shield and drilled a pencil-sized hole through three levels."

"Flying Officer Hamilton backed a jumper through someone's barn on P4X-613."

Rodney was fighting a grin and failing. "Feldbaek and Wouter brought four monkeys to the city without permission because they wanted to study them, and then they got loose."

"I have it on good authority that members of Alpha Company, Third Squad let them loose on purpose."

"What, really?"

"Yep."

"It was still stupid to bring them." Rodney paused in thought as they went up some stairs to the next level. "I caught three social scientists in a slap-fight over who could date a fourth person. I never bothered to learn their names, because the mere thought of giving them that much dignity was absurd."

"There have been at least six people who have run into doors, tripped, fell down stairs, or otherwise been injured shortly after looking the wrong way at Captain Winchester's brother."

"The entire marine biology department turned green because." Rodney stopped mid-sentence as they passed through a large set of doors. Evan instinctively put himself in front of Rodney, hand on his sidearm, but he didn't' seen any threat and Rodney pushed past him. "Ooooh, this looks interesting."

'This' looked like a lab of some sort, and a pretty big one by the looks of things. They had just passed through a foyer or reception area of some sort with chairs, couches, and tables dotting the room. Now they were in a circular room with a central circular desk, several largish alcoves in the walls that had beds and consoles in them, and three short corridors leading off of it. It reminded Evan a lot of various emergency rooms he had seen before.

"Do you have any idea what this place is?" Evan asked, circling around the room.

Rodney sat down at a computer station at the center desk and started typing. "Give me a second."

Evan checked out the other hallways and found that they led to another series of rooms. Some had more beds, some had what looked like dentists' chairs, a couple had pod-like things that were the right size to hold an entire person inside like a hyperbaric chamber, and one had several stasis units, some vertical and some horizontal. There were also two surprisingly-orderly storage rooms full of devices that Evan couldn't recognize.

"It looks like it might be some kind of medical facility," Evan ventured when he returned to Rodney.

"Hmm, yes. Sit down over there, would you?" Rodney pointed at one of the alcoves. Evan made his way over and sat down on the bed inside.

"Why?" he asked, just before the ceiling glowed green for a moment. Evan narrowed his eyes. "McKay...."

Rodney hopped up and came over, waving him out of the alcove. Evan saw that the wall next to it was actually a screen, where an outline of a human body - probably his - had now appeared.

"These things out here look like high-resolution medical scanners," Rodney explained. "They're a lot more detailed than the ones in the infirmary, though."

"Maybe it's some kind of outpatient center or something like that."

"Whatever it is, it's a pretty big find." Rodney grinned at Evan for a moment then frowned slightly. "Of course, it's not a ZPM factory or a munitions plant, which is a bit disappointing, but -"

"But cool medical technology could keep us alive long enough to find those, too," Evan finished for him, smiling broadly. He patted Rodney on the back in congratulations and let his hand rest on Rodney's shoulder. Rodney stiffened for a moment, then relaxed.

They had to call for a proper evaluation team at that point, doctors and biomedical engineers and a dozen others to help. Evan stuck around while the scientists bustled around, watching as Rodney shouted orders and Keller sighed a lot and occasionally helping out with his gene. It was actually fairly entertaining and he didn't have anything better to do.

"We think it's some kind of treatment center for major injuries," Keller said later that day in a senior staff meeting. "We've thought for a quite a while that the main infirmary complex in the control tower didn't handle all the medical needs for the Ancients in the city. While it has operating rooms and quarantine bays and so forth, it really seems to have been used for emergency care or dealing with infectious diseases of travelers - basically stabilizing patients for more thorough treatment later. Of course, even the more simple Ancient medical devices like the scanners are well beyond anything we have at home, and some of the healing devices we've found already have made it possible to dramatically increase the healing time of patients with internal injuries."

Evan nodded. A lot of people had been spared long recoveries from gunshot wounds and other injuries thanks to some of the technology available in the infirmary. "That makes sense. We've known for a long time that the Ancients had some pretty advanced healing technology."

Woolsey leaned forward. "What sort of injuries are we talking here, doctor?"

Keller shrugged. "Major skin grafting, burn treatment, repairing nerve damage, maybe even organ regrowth. We won't know until we've had more time to study it."

"There's probably some pretty impressive regeneration devices," Rodney said. He paused, frowned, and added, "Although hopefully they work better than the other one we've seen."

"What do you mean?" Sheppard asked.

"There was an incident involving Daniel Jackson, Dr. Lee, some South American rebels, and, ah," Rodney coughed into his hand, "zombies."

"Zombies?" Woolsey repeated, eyes wide.

"Zombies," Evan confirmed. "That sort of thing happens with SG-1."

"Cool." Sheppard flashed Keller a boyish grin. "If you need a test subject, feel free to ask."

"We're not testing possibly dangerous alien technology on your broken leg," Keller said flatly.

Sheppard scowled. "Fine, be that way."

The meeting broke up shortly afterwards, and Evan caught up with Rodney as he left. "Wait up, Rodney. I assume we're still on for next time, right? Maybe we'll find something even better."

"Yeah, sure."

Evan smiled. "Good. I had fun."

"Um. So did I."

Evan quickly went on, "And hey, my team usually has movie nights on Saturdays. I know we've got a mission that day, but if you want to come, you're welcome to."

Rodney hesitated before nodding jerkily. "Maybe. If I have time. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check on my idiots."

Evan waved as he left. That evening he found himself rambling on forever about how great his day had been and how exciting and wonderful their new discovery was to an amused David Parrish, who was lying half-naked on his bed. By the time he finally ran out of steam, David looked about ready to laugh.

"So you basically asked him out on a date," David summarized things.

"What? No," Evan replied. "He's just coming to movie night, or at least I hope so."

"Maybe you should have dinner first; I think that's the usual tradition."

"It's not like that," Evan protested.

"Really. Let's think about this. I'm lying here on your bed in my underwear. You're sitting next to me, also in your underwear. Despite this, you've spent the last half-hour talking about how great it was to spend time with McKay and how he's going to watch a movie with you. Something seems a bit fishy about the situation."

"I..." Evan scowled and crossed his arms. "Shut up."

"Not that I object to you suddenly acting like a teenage girl at a slumber party, though, because it's great that you're finally making a move."

"I'm not making a move," Evan said firmly.

"Really?"

"No." To forestall further argument, Evan stuck his hand down David's underwear and kissed him. This proved to be an excellent distraction.

 

**== Part 5 - Organic Chemistry ==**

Saturday's mission was a diplomatic visit to a long-standing ally. It was nearing harvest season for the not-exactly-trufella trees, which not only produced a fruit that was great for pies but also fluffy cotton-like fibers that made extremely comfortable cold- and wet-weather clothing. As they left the ready room Sheppard stopped Evan for a moment to look at him mournfully and say, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Evan wasn't quite sure what to make of that until they arrived.

"Doctor McKay, it is a great pleasure to see you again," Harmony said from her throne. "It has been far too long since you were last our guest."

"Yes, it has," Rodney said. "It's very... nice to see you too. You already know Teyla and Ronon, but this is Major Evan Lorne."

"Huh?" Evan said, wrenching his eyes away from the painting hanging on the wall. Behind him Ronon was laughing quietly and at his side Teyla had turned away to hide a smile. "Oh, right. It's an honor to meet you, Your Majesty. I've heard a lot about you."

"It is an honor to meet you as well, Major. I hope all you have heard is good."

"Oh, yes, certainly." Evan couldn't help but look upwards again and after a moment he pointed at the painting. "If you don't mind me asking... what's with the painting?"

"I had it commissioned to commemorate my ascension as queen," Harmony said with a pleased smile, "when Rodney valiantly defended me as I claimed my birthright, despite the cowardly actions of his so-called soldier companion."

"I see," Evan said. That description of events didn't quite match up with either the mission report or what he knew of Colonel Sheppard.

"Have you replaced Colonel Sheppard now that his incompetence is more widely known?"

"Ah, no, this is just temporary. He's down due to an injury in, ah, the line of duty," Evan replied. "He's actually my commanding officer."

Harmony inclined her chin in a very Rodney-like way. "You have my most sincere sympathy, Major Lorne. I can already see that you are a far more suitable companion for Doctor McKay. Sheppard was far too scruffy-looking to be a good leader and he was so scrawny it was a miracle he could lift his weapon. You, however, are clearly far more self-disciplined and much more fit, and also easier on the eye."

Rodney made a choking noise. "Yes, Lorne is a very good soldier, et cetera, et cetera. I'd love to keep talking, but maybe we should get down to business? Not that this isn't fun, but if we get work out of the way maybe it leaves more time for chatting and fun later."

"Perhaps that would be wise, yes," Teyla said, having regained her composure.

"I suppose so." Harmony leveled a glare at Evan. "I wish you the best of luck, Major, and hope that at some point soon you will replace your slacking commander. However, I must warn you that if harm comes to Doctor McKay while he is under your protection, I shall have you whipped."

Evan blinked. "I'll take that under advisement, ma'am."

Fortunately, Harmony's older sister showed up about then and they all sat down to talk about the harvest and the next season's schedule for medical team visits. Evan was glad that Teyla managed to keep the discussion short and made an excuse about them having to get back home early. He wasn't sure how much longer he could have taken the little brat making eyes at Rodney before he was forced to say something that would get them all tossed into a dungeon.

Evan didn't say anything to remind Rodney about movie night, because he had already sent him an email that morning and didn't want to come across as pushy. He would either show up or he wouldn't and it was unlikely that anything Evan could say would do more than irritate him. He definitely didn't try to invite him to dinner, which would have been just plain silly. Evan made sure to show up to the rec room early with an armful of snacks, including plenty of popcorn. David showed up next, followed shortly afterwards by the Brothers Winchester. David took an armchair and the brothers sprawled out on the floor, leaving the couch open. Evan shot them a look, but they all looked every bit as innocent as he knew they weren't.

Evan waited until 2115 for Rodney to show up, then sighed and said, "I guess we may as well get started." Evan started up the movie - _Raiders of the Lost Ark_, which seemed like a safe choice - and dimmed the lights. He settled down on the couch and firmly told himself that he would enjoy the movie and absolutely not mope.

Just as the credits ended, Rodney burst through the door, carrying his computer under his arm. "What, you started without me?" was the first thing he said. "Hmph. Well, at least you appear to have better taste in movies than Sheppard."

"Glad you could make it, doc," Evan said with a relieved smile. He patted the couch next to him. "Go ahead and sit down, you haven't missed anything."

"I don't know if his taste is always good," David said quietly, "but it's certainly interesting."

Down on the floor Dean snickered. "Definitely interesting to watch, at any rate."

Rodney frowned. "What?"

"Just ignore them," Evan suggested.

"That's my usual policy with botanists," Rodney said as he sat down at the far end of the couch, leaving about a foot between him and Evan. He powered on his tablet. "And with Marines and..." Rodney waved his stylus at Sam. "Whatever you are."

"Anthropologist and lawyer, more or less."

Rodney stared at him. "That doesn't even make sense."

"As an undergrad I double-majored in history and anthropology, with a minor in Latin," Sam explained, looking away from the movie. "Then I got a masters in comparative mythology. The law degree was just to put food on the table. It's really pretty fascinating how many myths and legends have a basis in reality. Of course, with the Goa'uld and other alien influences it can be hard to tell what came first, the myths or the... are you even listening?"

"You go off-world with a lawyer?" Rodney asked Evan in disbelief.

"Sammy once killed a Wraith with a throwing knife," Dean said proudly. "Bam! Right through the eye. It was great."

"Huh." Evan could see the gears turning inside Rodney's head as he reevaluated Sam and changed his opinion from 'useless waste of food' to 'less hairy version of Ronon' or something else along those lines.

"I don't suppose it's too much to ask that you guys be a bit quieter so those of us watching the movie can do so in peace, is it?" David asked.

"Please, we all know how it goes," Rodney replied. "Hero gets captured by Nazis, Nazis demand that he build them nuclear weapons, hero makes a daring escape and gets the girl."

Evan chuckled. "I think you're getting things a bit mixed up."

"Oh, right, these aren't the Amish Nazis, but rather the ones that want Jackson instead. Got it."

Rodney goes a bit quieter after that, half watching the movie and half poking at his tablet and only occasionally joining in the quiet chatter about how Dean could have kicked that guys ass, how some bit of history was wrong, and oh look a _Nymphaea coerulea_. Evan had one of the popcorn bowls in his lap and while he knew it was a dirty trick he started holding it out a little less far each time Rodney reached for some. This in turn caused Rodney to ever so slowly inch his way across the couch without even noticing it, until eventually he was right there next to Evan. After a minute Evan carefully put his left arm up along the back of the couch, not actually touching Rodney but almost there. They stayed that way through the last hour or so of the movie.

Then, just as the movie was ending and Rodney was starting to actually lean against Evan, Dean broke the spell by loudly asking, "So McKay, how hard would it be to build us our own chain-lighting melter ray? Because you can't tell me that wasn't some kind of wacky Ancient device right there."

"It was a _movie_, Captain," Rodney snapped, before thoughtfully adding, "Although now that you mention it, I suppose you could use some kind of ionizing targeting laser coupled with a plasma generator to produce an effect like -"

Evan could tell the exact moment Rodney realized how close he was sitting to Evan by the way his bugged out and his mouth kept moving but no sound was coming out.

"Rodney," he started, but Rodney leaped off the couch and nearly tripped over Sam as he walked backwards towards the door.

"Sorry, got to go, I just realized that I need to check on a project in the particle physics lab that I may have left running. It could explode any second now! Thanks for inviting me it-was-nice-goodbye!"

"Rodney, wait," Evan said, getting to his feet. It was too late, Rodney was out the door and by the time Evan reached the hall he was already disappearing around a corner. Evan slunk back inside and dropped onto the couch. "Well, shit."

"So close, and yet so far," David said.

"You should have just kissed him," Dean said. "It couldn't have gone any worse."

David nodded. "He might have a point."

"I bet he'll come around eventually, sir. You're just a little rusty on the entire wooing thing." Dean grinned. "I could give you a few tips, if you want."

Sam snorted. "Dean, your idea of wooing is getting drunk in a bar and hitting on people until you find someone else who's drunk enough to find you attractive and then going off to screw in the Impala. Or the jumper, as the case may be. I don't think he needs that kind of advice."

"Hey, whatever works! Maybe a little alcohol would help McKay relax."

"Just ignore him, Major."

Evan rubbed his brow. "I am."

"It's not like you can do any better, Sammy."

"Only because you keep scaring off anyone who's even looks my way."

"I'm just looking out for you! You don't know what marines are like, they're just looking to, to make a conquest of the cute young geek! And the scientists are just as bad, with all their, their experimental wiles!"

"Whatever. Jerk."

"Bitch."

Evan curled up on the couch and squeezed his eyes shut. "I am way too sober to deal with this right now."

 

**== Part 6 - Advanced Field Work in Botany ==**

If Rodney had been quiet before they had gone exploring, now he was downright skittish. He would show up for briefings or missions exactly on time, do his job, and then disappear the instant they were done. Off-world he barely said two words to Evan that weren't work-related, and whenever the team split up he went off with Ronon. Teyla seemed vaguely disapproving of the entire situation, and if Ronon - or, God help Evan, Sheppard - noticed anything was wrong neither of them said anything. Then again, the first sign that they weren't happy was likely to be a fist, so Evan wasn't sure that was a good sign.

When a week later Rodney canceled their city exploration date, Evan knew he had to find some way to get out of the city and clear his head. Fortunately, his own team was going off-world, and so he tagged along with them.

"I take it things aren't going so well?" David asked as they tromped through a field. They were looking for a plant species that was supposed to make a fast-acting local anesthetic, at least according to the database.

"What makes you say that?"

"The fact that you're here instead of roaming the city with McKay."

Evan sighed. "I really don't feel like talking about this right now."

"All right." They kept walking along, occasionally stopping to poke and prod at a likely-looking plant. After ten minutes of silence, David spoke up again. "Just so you know, I'm sorry if it doesn't work out."

"Don't worry about it. It's not like I'll be worse off than I was before. If I can get through another two weeks without fucking things up worse, Rodney will have forgotten anything ever happened."

"I still say you should just kiss him."

Evan raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you just apologizing for being wrong?"

David grinned. "I said that I might be wrong. There's still a chance that I'm not."

Before Evan could respond, Dean called out from the other side of the field. "Hey Parrish! I think we may have found your plant!"

Evan and David hustled over to the Winchesters, who were standing near a tall plant at the edge of a copse of trees. It looked sort of like a cross between an extra-thick stalk of corn and a multi-color sunflower. It had a thick central body that spread out where it reached the ground, and along the stem there were several large flowers with vibrant yellow, orange, and red petals. In the center of each flower were a set of large spines, the purpose of which Evan couldn't guess.

"Be careful, Captain," David said as they approached. "The database said they could be dangerous, but it didn't say how."

Dean eyed the plant suspiciously and asked, "Should we put on masks?"

Clearly he didn't want a repeat of the Incident About Which We Do Not Speak any more than the rest of them did.

"I don't think so, but it might be best if you take a step back while I get my samples."

Dean nodded and took a half-step back with exaggerated care. He wasn't quite careful enough; his foot came down on one of the plant's long, tendril-like roots. The plant quivered slightly and then something shot out from the nearest flower. Dean instinctively raised his hands and stumbled backwards with a yelp.

"You okay?" Sam shouted.

"Huh." Dean looked at his left hand and held it up. There was a tiny pinprick of blood on his palm, just under the middle finger. He rubbed at it and grinned. "Well, Parrish, it looks like I definitely found your plant. I can't feel my hand at all."

"Great," Evan grumbled. "Just great. I go off-world with Sheppard's team for two weeks without incident and I'm with you losers when something goes wrong."

"We know you love us, sir."

"Dean," Sam said, eyes wide, "Look at your hand."

"What? It's..." Dean trailed off as he held up his hand, which was turning red. "Shit."

"Okay, you two back to the jumper," Evan said as calmly as he could. "Parrish -"

"I'm already on it."

As the Winchesters sprinted back to the jumper, Parrish dug into his backpack and pulled out a sample container, a set of shears, and a pair of thick, elbow-length leather gloves. As soon as he had the gloves on he carefully approached the plant. He examined one of the flowers from the side, then reached in and while holding the container underneath snipped it off the plant. He stepped back to a safe distance and closed the container, at which point the two of them took off running for the landing sight. When they reached the jumper, Dean was on the floor with Sam at his side. He was pale and sweating, and now his entire hand had turned a disturbing shade of purple.

"You're going to be fine, Dean," Sam was saying quietly while holding his brother's good hand, "We'll be back in the city in no time."

Evan threw himself into the pilot's seat and they were airborne before the hatch had even finished closing. Luckily the gate was only a few miles away; they had brought the jumper just in case they needed to haul a lot of samples home.

While Evan concentrated on flying as fast as he dared, David dialed the gate, sent their IDC, and radioed in, "Atlantis, this Parrish. We are inbound with a medical emergency. Captain Winchester has been stung by some sort of poisonous plant and is have a bad reaction. We're about two minutes out, and I need biochem standing by to synthesize an anti-toxin."

"Roger that, Doctor. We'll have a medical team standing by."

It took exactly one minute and fifty-three seconds for them to reach Atlantis and land in the jumper bay. Keller was there with a stretcher team. They had Dean loaded up almost before Evan had even gotten clear of his seat. Parrish took off running for the labs with his sample, while Evan and Sam followed behind the stretcher to the infirmary. A minute later the two of them were left staring at the closed door of an operating room.

Sam was looking a bit wobbly, so Evan lead him out into the waiting room and sat down with him on one of the couches there. He awkwardly rubbed Sam's back. "He's going to be fine. We got him here quick and now he's got the best doctors in two galaxies working on him.

"Right." Sam smiled weakly. "He's been hurt bad before, he's not going to let some stupid plant kill him."

"Exactly."

Sheppard arrived a minute later, all but running and wincing with every step. "What happened?"

"Some kind of plant stung him. It was just a stupid accident."

"A plant?" Sheppard shook his head and sat down in one of the other chairs. "God, I hate this galaxy sometimes."

About a half-hour later, David showed up. He slumped into a seat. "We found an anti-toxin in the another part of the database, they just finished synthesizing it. Sam, I am so sorry about this."

Sam shook his head. "It's not your fault. Fucking database never labels things right."

David might have argued, but he was stopped by yet another person charging into the waiting room. Rodney looked around wild-eyed until he saw Evan. "I heard someone was injured. Was it you? No, of course not. Who's missing? Right, the grunt. I mean... uh."

"His name's Dean," Sam supplied, not quite growling.

"Sorry. I'm horrible with names, especially when I'm flustered. Which I am, because, you know, I was worried. About all of you, not anyone specifically." He sat down next to Sheppard. "You are all fine, right? Whatever it was didn't get the rest of you?"

"We're all fine, Rodney," Evan said.

"Good, that's good. Not great, obviously, but still better than two of you, right?"

"McKay," Sheppard said, "If you're going to wait with us, can you at least be quiet?"

"Sorry."

Another forty minutes or so dragged past before Keller appeared, still dressed in scrubs. She looked around at them with a pensive face. "There's good news and bad news. It looks like he's going to make it. The poison hadn't spread too far and we administered the anti-toxin in time."

A collective held breath was released and everyone relaxed, just a little. Sam nodded, and asked, "And the bad news."

"The toxin was basically dissolving his tissues from the inside out, and by the time we got to him the damage was already pretty severe. I'm afraid we had to amputate his hand."

"Shit," Evan said.

"Right," Sam said, his face a mask. "I guess that's better than the alternative. Thanks, Jennifer."

It was everyone's worst nightmare in Atlantis, after being fed on by the Wraith. Dean hadn't just lost his hand - he had also just lost Atlantis. There was no way he could avoid being sent back to Earth with that kind of injury, no matter how hard Sheppard fought for him. It had happened before, to Bates, Vance, Takashima, and over two dozen others, both military and civilian. A few had managed to return after long periods of physical therapy, but even those who recovered completely could find it hard to return. Dean wouldn't have a chance at all.

"I don't know what you're all moping about," Rodney said into the shocked silence. "He's not dead."

"McKay!" Sheppard snapped, suddenly furious.

"What? Sure, a month ago this would have been awful, but now we can fix him!"

They all stared at Rodney uncomprehending, until Evan breathed, "The medical center."

"Exactly!"

Keller frowned. "Rodney, we haven't had a chance to test any of that equipment yet."

"All the diagnostics say it should work fine, and you're going to have to test it on a human subject sooner or later."

Sam looked between Rodney and Keller. "Is it safe?"

"Absolutely," Rodney said without hesitation, while Keller reluctantly admitted, "Probably... and I doubt it would make things worse. He's got the gene, which should help."

"Then start doing whatever you need to do to prepare." Sam held up a hand as Keller opened her mouth. "I know, I know, you'll need to get his permission, but I know what he'll say and it'll probably be better to get this done as fast as we can."

Seventeen hours later, they were across the city in the new medical center. Rodney had gone straight there the instant Sam had given the word in order to double-check that everything was functional. Dean had woken up for a short time, just long enough for Keller to explain the situation and for him to say, "Do whatever Sammy says." After that, Keller had thrown her full support behind the idea and she, Rodney, and Sheppard had steamrolled right over Woolsey before he had any chance to object. Experimental technology or not, he could hardly object to them using it with the patient's permission if it could heal him.

Now Dean was laying in something the looked like a metallic dentist's chair. His entire left forearm was encased in a glossy black shell that had risen from the floor and encased it. Keller and Rodney were sitting at a control console a few feet to the side and behind them Evan, Sam, and Sheppard waited to see what would happen.

"Can you feel anything?" Keller asked pensively. Dean had been taken off most of his sedatives and painkillers once he had been put into the chair, because Keller needed him awake so he could report any problems that might not show up on the normal monitors.

"Nope, the entire arm's numb," Dean replied, a tad groggy and a bit high. "'Course, I couldn't feel it when my hand was melting, so who knows if that's good."

"In this case it's supposed to turn off the nerves," Keller explained. "We're going to start the reconstruction and regeneration process now. If anything starts hurting, let me know immediately."

"Gotcha." As Keller started initializing more systems, Dean asked, "So am I, like, going to have laser fingers or something cool like that?"

"Actually," Rodney said, "There do seem to be a lot of options for different prosthetics which -"

"Rodney!" Keller snapped.

"We are not going to try today," Rodney smoothly finished. "We're just going with the most basic replacement we've found. You can upgrade later if you want."

"It's intended to mimic a purely biological hand, although it does use some artificial materials to reinforce the bones and strengthen muscles. You'll probably notice it won't get tired or damaged as easily," Keller said. "Everything past the wrist is still just you, though, so don't get any ideas about super-strength."

"Just checking." A few minutes later, Dean frowned. "Huh. That's weird."

Keller looked up from her displays. "Is there something wrong?"

"I can feel a vibration through my shoulder, kinda like at the dentist."

"That's your new bones being assembled and attached," Rodney said. "It's pretty interesting, the device uses a combination of micromachines and high-precision transporters to build it from organic goo."

"Goo. Great."

It was barely a minute more before the console chimed and the black carapace around Dean's arm smoothly started folding in on itself and retracted back into the floor. Dean held his hand up and flexed it experimentally, and other than being a bit pale Evan couldn't tell the difference at all.

"So that's it?" Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

Keller spread her hands. "Looks like it. His vitals are stable. I'll be wanting to keep him for observation, of course."

Sam almost immediately rushed around the console to join Dean. While they talked quietly and Keller continued to do a last few scans, Sheppard said, "Good work, Rodney."

"It's not like it's a surprise that it worked," Rodney said. "I am a genius, after all."

"Smartest man in two galaxies," Evan agreed. Unconsciously he put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Seriously, though, thanks."

Rodney didn't shy away from his touch. "You're welcome."

"Damn it," Dean said suddenly. Everyone turned their eyes to him, wondering what had gone wrong. Dean grinned back at them lopsidedly and held up two of his new fingers. "I was kinda hoping they'd vibrate."

**== Part 7 - Thermodynamics ==**

For obvious reasons, Evan's team was put on stand-down status for the foreseeable future. No one wanted to deal with complications from the poison or the surgery in the field, and now that the initial euphoria had worn off everyone wanted to be sure that the hand wasn't going to detach itself and start crawling around killing people. Every doctor on the base wanted a chance to poke and prod at Dean as well.

Evan himself was still going off-world with Sheppard's team, and just as suddenly as things had gotten weird they were now back to normal. They would go off-world, McKay would rant and rave and wave his scanner about, Teyla would convince the natives that McKay hadn't actually meant to insult them, and Evan and Ronon would either smile, loom threateningly, or shoot people depending on how successful she was. It was pleasantly normal, at least if normal was measured by Atlantean standards.

It was a Monday mission when things went from normal to strange. They were on M1G-499, a fairly standard farming world. It was reasonably advanced by Pegasus standards, not industrialized but similar to Enlightenment-age Europe, only much cleaner in yet another example of how many people in Pegasus knew far more than you'd expect. Rodney had led them on a wild-goose chase into a temple looking for a power source, which had turned out to be some solar-powered lights and a water heater. Then, of course, they were informed that as first-time visitors to the temple they had to undergo a purification ritual before they left.

"What kind of purification ritual?" Evan asked easily, grinning but also positioning his arms atop his rifle. The temple monks seemed like decent enough sorts, but you could never be sure what sort to strange, creepy, or dangerous things people would want in order to 'purify' you.

"It is a simple matter of bathing in the sacred pools," Teyla assured them. "I was purified myself when I first visited, fifteen years ago."

It sounded simple, and it turned out that it really was as harmless as it sounded. Evan, Rodney, and Ronon end up spending about an hour relaxing in a what was essentially a large hot tub in an open-air courtyard, one of several in the temple that were fed by the Ancient water heater. It was extraordinarily relaxing and Evan could feel who-knows-how-many months, even years worth of tension flowing out of his body as he sat there.

"We really should get one of these at home," Evan murmured as they neared the end of their purification period.

"We have one," Rodney said. He was sitting across for Evan and their feet could just barely touch. He wasn't looking at Evan, just staring up at the stars that were starting to appear in the sky above them.

Evan frowned slightly, although it was hard to do so when he felt as good as he did. "We do?"

"Well, I do. It's not as big as this one," Rodney waved about to encompass the pool, which could easily fit another dozen Ronon-sized people, "only has room for two, maybe three, but it's got jets and so forth."

"Huh. How'd you get one?"

"Careful scouting ahead when we opened the new living quarters up."

"That doesn't seem fair. What do you think, Ronon?"

Ronon opened one eye to look at him and then closed it again.

"I routinely have to save the galaxy, Major. I think it's reasonable that I get a chance to relax at home. Besides, I have my best ideas in the bath."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Cool." Evan didn't say anything for a minute and outside there was the distant sound of a gong to signal the end of the ritual. Evan closed his eyes and groaned, not wanting to get out. He could hear the others gently splashing about as they started climbing out. Quietly, Evan said, "Still think you should share."

Somewhere in front and above him, Rodney snorted. "I'm not letting four hundred people dictate my bathing schedule, and it's not like anyone would want to bathe with me."

Evan opened his eyes and saw Rodney standing across from him and toweling himself off. Evan had been in this kind of situation countless times in his life. Long periods of living in close quarters and dealing with communal showers or camp showers had left him with the ability to keep his eyes from wandering, or keep any glances discrete when he did feel like sneaking a look. There was nothing discrete this time as his gaze traveled down Rodney's body, past his slightly padded but still defined chest and stomach, around his arms and his amazing hands, lingering on his cock before traveling down his legs and then going up again.

When he looked at Rodney's face again, he found wide eyes staring back at him. Evan shrugged and said, "I would."

Rodney stood stock still, then made a sound that could only be described as a squeak and fled out the door. A moment later the peaceful silence of the bathing chamber was broken by the deep sound of Ronon's laughter.

"Fuck," Evan spat, unable to believe he'd just done that. "Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck," he repeated, continuing along that line in German, Czech, Goa'uld, and Ancient. He climbed out of the bath, snagged a towel, and started to vigorously dry himself off. He aimed a death glare at Ronon. "Will you shut up?"

"No."

"God damn it," Evan muttered. "Fucking alien purification rituals. There's also some fucking catch no matter how fucking good they seem."

He and Ronon returned to the room where their gear was waiting, but there was no sign of either Rodney or Teyla. Once Evan was dressed, he stuck his earpiece in and turned on his radio.

"Teyla, this is Lorne. Have you seen McKay?"

"He is here with me, Major," Teyla replied. "We are heading to the gate, he said he needed to return to Atlantis immediately and that you would follow shortly. Is everything all right? He seems... agitated."

"Everything's just peachy," Evan replied. He tried to toggle his radio back off but missed without realizing it. "_She'ak jel turaptil naak kree._"

"Excuse me, Major?"

Evan suddenly realized he was still on an open mike. He had never been so glad that the Mysterious Translation System didn't seem to like Goa'uld. "Nothing. Go on ahead, we'll see you in ten."

There was no sign of Rodney when they returned to Atlantis, either when Evan and Ronon arrived or after Evan had given Woolsey his initial report ('Nice people, no cool tech, very nice baths'). He didn't show up in the mess for dinner during the two hours Evan spent there, and when Evan asked Zelenka it turned out that Rodney hadn't come by the labs. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that Chuck and Teyla confirmed he had arrived home, Evan might have thought he'd never returned at all. Eventually Evan had to shrug and head off to his own quarters to figure out how he was possibly going to fix things.

Just as Evan was getting ready to sleep, the door slid open and Rodney rushed into the room. Evan stood there and gaped as Rodney pointed an accusatory finger at him and proclaimed, "You're gay!"

Evan had considered a number of possible reactions. First and foremost had been loud declarations of strict heterosexuality, closely followed by either "it's not you it's me" or more likely "it's not me it's you." Some kind of awkward admissions that Rodney was dating someone else was a distant third, and homophobia barely even warranted consideration. Evan had dismissed the idea of Rodney outing him on purpose entirely, because while he was an asshole at times he wasn't that kind of asshole, although him doing it accident was possible.

The problem was that Rodney's current actions could fit any of those possibilities. Evan saw no other option but to shrug and say, "Yeah, so?"

"So? So? That's all you have to say for yourself? So?" Rodney threw up his hands in disgust and started pacing back and forth through the half of the apartment that served as Evan's living room. "You didn't think that information might be pertinent to your team?"

"My team knows," Evan said.

"Not your idiots, my team! The one you've been going off-world with since Sheppard broke himself! That kind of thing could be important, because you never know when freaky mind-reading priest is going to touch you and declare that you have unclean desires that must be purged and then tie you up until your insane leader burns down half the village!"

Evan shifted back a little and defensively replied, "Teyla knows."

"Teyla knows? What, you told her and not me?"

"In case you somehow missed it," Evan said while crossing his arms, "I'm not supposed to tell."

"I'm Canadian, you nitwit. We let out soldiers get gay married!" Rodney crossed his arms as well. "Besides, it's not like Sheppard gives a shit."

Getting a bit tired of waiting for Rodney to tell him 'thanks but no thank' Evan asked, "Could you just get to the point?"

"The point? The point is that I've been working under the impression that you're an All-American Hot-Blooded Woman-Chasing Flyboy and trying to hide the fact that I'm attracted to you! Which wasn't easy, what with you touching and joking and asking me to watch a movie with - huh." Rodney stopped, tilted his head, and narrowed his eyes. He suddenly crossed the room and Evan backed away from him until he reached the wall and couldn't go any further.

"You asked me on a date!" Rodney said, poking Evan in the chest. "You asked me on a date and didn't even tell me!"

"It wasn't..." Evan trailed off and scratched the back of his neck. "Okay, in retrospect, it was kinda date-like."

"Kinda date like?" Rodney said incredulously. "I can't believe this! I could have gotten laid weeks ago if you'd had the guts to say something first or hadn't let me run off!"

Evan scowled. "You know, it's a bit presumptuous to assume that I was going to put out on the first date. Especially since it wasn't really a date."

"What, you mean you wouldn't have?"

They stared at each other for a moment before they simultaneously came to the same conclusion, closed the space between them, and kissed. It wasn't the greatest kiss ever. No trumpets sounded, no fireworks went off, the heavens did not open up, and the city did not shake nor did the planet move. In fact, it was a bit of an awkward and sloppy kiss because their noses bumped and their teeth clicked together and they both tried to slip their tongue into the other's mouth at the same time. They broke apart just for a moment and then tried again, with rather better results this time.

Evan, knowing that boldness was the key to air power, took the initiative by pulling Rodney close, turning them both around, and pushed Rodney up against the wall. He could feel Rodney's erection pressing against his own through their pants, and so he reached down and wormed a hand into Rodney's pants to grasp his cock. It was thick and hot in Evan's hand, and he started to gently squeeze and stroke it. Rodney clearly liked that quite a bit, as he moaned and bucked his hips against Evan.

Rodney shoved Evan away. "Wait, wait, wait!"

"What?" Evan asked, red-faced and panting a little. "Something wrong?"

"I'm about to come in my pants, that's what's wrong. Not only would it be horribly messy and inconvenient, but I for one was hoping this would last a bit longer."

Evan threw his head back and laughed. "Only you, Rodney, would complain about a handjob being messy."

A momentary flash of annoyance passed across Rodney's face. "I have nothing against them in general, but I don't think it's unreasonable to find sticky underwear unpleasant."

"You know, I'm not going to disagree, so how about we fix the problem." Evan stripped off his t-shirt and his hands went to his fly.

"Huh?" Rodney stared blankly until he saw Evan getting undressed, at which point he rapidly got with the program. While Evan carefully folded up his clothes and placed them where he could easily find them in an emergency, Rodney wasted no time on such niceties and left a trail behind him as he crossed the room to the bed - shirt, shoes, pants, boxers, and finally socks. Evan didn't object, because the line of clothes ended with a naked Rodney sitting on his bed. A naked Rodney who was slowly stroking his cock while watching Evan finish putting his things up.

Evan lay down on his side next to Rodney and traced around Rodney's torso with his right hand. His body was far different from David's, solid and stocky where David was all lean muscle. Evan found him every bit as attractive and he couldn't wait to explore every last bit of him and commit each detail to memory. He gave one nipple a gentle tweak to see how Rodney would react and got a pleased gasp in response.

Rodney turned his head to look into Evan's eyes, and sounding entirely too serious for the situation told him, "You had better have lube and condoms."

Evan grinned. "Oh, believe, I have plenty of both."

"Good, because for a moment I was worried you'd be like me and not have more than - wait." Rodney's eyes narrowed. "Why do you have 'plenty'?"

"Proper preparation is the key to air power," Evan quipped.

"Proper preparation is having a couple of condoms on hand, not 'plenty'."

"Do you really want to have this conversation now?" Evan asked, sliding his hand down Rodney's stomach, down his thigh, and then back up again to cup his balls.

Rodney shivered and his eyes went unfocused. "Hmmm, no, but don't think I'm forgetting this. Now, in case you didn't realize it, the original question was a hint to get some."

"I kinda figured that."

Evan rolled over so he could reach his bedside table. He opened its drawer up, pushed his spare sidearm out of the way, and pulled out a bottle of lube and a couple of condom packets. Meanwhile, Rodney kept talking.

"I suppose I should ask whether you top or bottom. The usual stereotypes for a soldier would have you being some macho man who never takes it up the ass, but from what I've witnessed it can actually be the opposite just as often, what with the dog-like happiness from following orders or a desire to stop being in charge for once. Not that bottoming necessarily means not being in charge."

Evan chuckled as he rolled back over. It figured that even when Rodney was about to get laid for the first time in God knew how long, some part of him would still be the inquisitive and analytical man he was in the lab.

"I like both just fine, although I suppose I top more. Call it seventy-thirty." Evan smiled wickedly. "I really like sucking cock, though."

Rodney's eyes brightened and he smiled as well. "Lorne, this may -"

"Evan."

"... Evan. This may call for some experimentation, but I think this is going to work out just fine." Rodney scooted closer to the center of the bed and spread his legs. "For now, though, I want you to fuck me."

"Since you ask so nicely," Evan said, crawling across the bed and laying back down between Rodney's legs, "I think I will."

Evan squirted a generous amount of lube on his fingers and reached between Rodney's thighs to find his hole. He rubbed the lube around and started to massage the tight ring of muscle. After a minute he stopped for a second to squirt more lube onto his fingers, but even with the extra he wasn't quite able to get a finger into Rodney without pressing harder than he'd like to.

"Relax, Rodney," Evan said.

"This is relaxed for me. I don't think you can blame me for being excited." Despite his words, Rodney took a deep breath and a moment later Evan was able to slip a finger inside Rodney. He started to gently slide it in and out and Rodney took another, stuttering breath. "Okay, yeah, that's good."

"Glad to hear it." Evan used his free hand to rub Rodney's thighs and stomach, occasionally giving Rodney's cock a quick squeeze. One of Rodney's hands came down to rest on top of his after a minute.

"Come on, more, you bastard."

"Hold your horses." Evan worked a second finger inside Rodney and looked up just in time to see a quickly-suppressed wince flash across Rodney's face. He frowned himself. "How long has it been since you did this?"

"I thought," Rodney paused to gasp as Evan's fingers slid all the way in, "we weren't talking about that now."

"I was just wondering."

"Call it six years? Seven? Fuck, maybe eight, quite a while before we left for Antarctica. Not that I haven't had sex since then, of course, I've done that plenty of times - well, a few times, but anyways, I wasn't the one catching when we _oh fuck!_" Rodney arched up as Evan's fingers found his prostate. "Okay, I think that's enough of that, less fingers, more cock."

Evan wasn't completely sure Rodney was ready, but his needy tone went straight to Evan's groin and he had waited way too long for this moment to argue now. He withdrew his fingers and pushed up himself up so that he was kneeling on the bed.

"Hands and knees or on your back?" Evan asked, while getting a condom out and rolling it onto his cock.

Rodney lifted his head and glared at him. "Christ, are you always this polite when having sex? I mean, seriously, it's nice that you're considerate and all, but stop with the questions and just fuck me already."

"I was just thinking that you'd be more comfortable -"

"You are not going to break me! Am I going to have to approve every move you make? While it would be fun to compare favorite positions and kinks and what have you in great detail, I for one would rather do that afterwards when I'm not so horny that - oh, finally, it's about time."

While Rodney was ranting, Evan had decided that he was clearly taking the wrong approach to the situation, scooted forward, and lifted Rodney's legs into the air. Doing it like this was probably going to be a little more painful for Rodney at first, given how long it had been, but if that was what Rodney wanted Evan wasn't going to question it, especially when it meant he would get to see Rodney's face.

Evan guided the tip of his cock to rest against Rodney's hole and nudged in just a little. He paused a moment to give Rodney a chance to get ready, and when Rodney took a deep breath Evan pushed slowly until his entire cock was buried inside Rodney and his balls were pressed to Rodney's ass. As Evan entered him Rodney's entire body shivered and he threw his head back with a gasp, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and clenching at the sheets. Evan held still for several agonizingly long moments to give him a chance to adjust.

"You okay?" Evan asked eventually, his voice deep and husky and full of barely-contained anticipation and lust.

Rodney swallowed and nodded. He opened eyes to look up at Evan. "Never better."

Evan grinned and pulled out a little, then slid back in. He did it again with a longer stroke this time, and soon he was fucking Rodney with slow, deep thrusts. Rodney was tight around him, almost too tight, and he knew there was no way he was going to last very long. It wasn't just that which was driving him closer and closer to the edge, though, but also the reactions he was getting from Rodney. Evan could tell when the pain started to go away by how Rodney's expression relaxed, how he started to rock back against Evan's thrusts, how his gasps started to get deeper and more needy. It was incredibly hot to Evan to know he was the one making all that happen, and while that alone probably wouldn't be enough to make him come, it would be a pretty near thing.

"God, you're beautiful," he grunted out.

"Me? 'M not beautiful, I'm handsome and oh _fuck_, do that again."

Evan obliged, having found an angle that was hitting Rodney in all the right places. "Handsome, sure, whatever. Point is, you're fucking hot."

Rodney kept babbling now that he'd gotten started, which didn't surprise Evan in the least. His speech was peppered with pleased gasps and grunts. "Fuck, yeah, I am, but nothing like you. You've got all your, your, fuck, your muscles and your stupid smiles and eyes, have I told you I like your eyes and fuck, fuck, oh, I really like your cock." Deep breath. "And your dog tags, and uniform, and shit now you're going to give me a complex and I'll never be able to look at you while working without blushing again, damn it, and oh fuck why the hell didn't we do this earlier?"

"No idea," Evan replied. His thrusts were getting harder and less even as his control started to slip. He watched as Rodney reached for his cock, which lay hard and red against his stomach, and before Rodney could touch it Evan reached down himself and took Rodney's hand, gently guiding it away. "Not yet," he grunted.

Rodney whined but didn't complain, instead clasping Evan's hand. Evan came seconds later, thrusting deep into Rodney with a low, deep moan. He stayed still for a few moments, then carefully pulled out and let Rodney's legs drop to the bed.

"Oh, God, your _face_," Rodney gasped, staring up at Evan, "wow, that was so hot."

Evan bent over to kiss Rodney briefly, then slid further down the bed until his head was even with Rodney's cock. He licked at the drops of precome that had leaked onto Rodney's stomach, making Rodney's breath catch. Evan grinned wickedly up at him and then licked him again, this time along the back of his cock.

"Fuck! I swear, if you start teasing me, I am going to fucking kill you, you son of a bitch" Rodney whined. "You said like sucking cock, so come on, do it, please."

Evan gladly complied and took Rodney's cock into his mouth. It was hot and heavy on his tongue, and tasted of sweat and come and _Rodney_. Evan hummed happily and started to expertly bob up and down, using his left hand to play with Rodney's balls.

"Yeah, like that, that's good," Rodney said, running his fingers through Evan's hair. "No, that's great, and just so you know, I'm not going to last, so you might want to stop if you don't like that in your mouth, although I'm guessing that - oh, fuck."

Evan took Rodney deeper into his mouth as an answer. Then he slid his fingers into Rodney's well-fucked ass and pressed them against Rodney's prostate. Rodney's hips bucked up and he cried out as he filled Evan's mouth. Evan kept sucking gently until Rodney was soft.

Evan sat up and looked at Rodney. Much like Evan he was panting slightly and a little sweaty, and his face was red. His entire body was relaxed in a languid, almost cat-like way that screamed well-fucked. After a minute Evan got off the bed and went to the restroom, where he got rid of the spent condom, and returned with a towel and a wet washcloth.

"Hmm, yeah, forgot about that," Rodney muttered tiredly while Evan wiped them both down. "Be a shame to ruin a perfectly good time by waking up all sticky. Next time, I'll have remember to make my special formula. Long-lasting, no stickiness."

Evan dimmed the lights and lay down next to Rodney. He raised an eyebrow and asked, "You make your own lube?"

"Of course I do. I've got very delicate skin."

Evan snickered and moved on to the more important part of what Rodney had said. "And I take it there's going to be a next time?"

"What, are you kidding me?" Rodney said incredulously. "Of course there is. That was the best sex I've had in years." His eyes widened slightly. "Not, that I'm assuming that you're going to automatically want to just because I do."

"Oh, I do, Rodney. Believe me, I do." Evan hesitated before quietly saying, "I'm not going to pussy-foot around about this: I'm not looking for just sex here. If that's all you want, I don't know if I can do this. I want a boyfriend, a partner, not just another fuck-buddy."

"Oh." Rodney stayed quiet for a minute. "Okay. I get what you're saying. I guess that goes along with the secret kinda-dating. It also makes sense that I'd end up in bed with the one hot gay pilot who wants to have a steady relationship. Not that gay pilots are, you know, sluts or unable to commit or anything, that's not what I meant at all. Although there is that entire 'plenty' thing, but whatever. Wait - another fuck-buddy? You already have one? Please tell me it's not Parrish."

Getting exasperated, Evan rolled his eyes and sharply said, "Rodney! Focus."

"Right, right, sorry. I'm not used to speaking with a flyboy who actually talks about his feelings. It's a bit disconcerting." Rodney took a deep breath and expelled it. "I should warn you that I'm really bad at the entire relationship thing, so you'll probably have to nudge me occasionally, drag me out of the lab, that sort of thing. Also, I've been told I can be a bit of an ass at times, even to people I'm dating, so if I am just yell at me or something. Although it should be less of a problem if I'm going to be getting laid regularly, because believe me, there's nothing like regular, non-manual orgasms for working out stress. I was a lot more easy-going back when I was twenty and sleeping with half the other grad students at MIT."

"Rodney, can I just get a yes or no to the 'do you want to go steady' question?"

"Oh. Yes."

Distantly, Evan could hear angels singing Handel's _'Hallelujah'_ chorus. He might have just been imagining that, however. In any case, Evan decided that June 20, 2010 was the best day of all eternity.

"Thank you." Evan kissed Rodney's cheek and even in the dim light he could see Rodney blush. "I'm guessing you know this has to be secret, at least for a while. No one here cares, but you can never be sure about the new guys until they've been around a while."

"Right, right." Rodney waved his hand in the air. "I've worked for top-secret programs since I was sixteen, I think I can keep this quiet. I'll probably have to tell Jeannie eventually, though."

"She's your sister, she can know." Evan would have to tell his own sister at some point.

"And Teyla will figure it out instantly."

"Of course."

"And, well, John, I tell John everything."

Evan winced. He was fairly certain Sheppard wouldn't kill him, but he still had the nagging feeling that it might be best to have Teyla and Ronon between them when he found out. "Hold off on that, would you? I've got a good feeling about this, but if it doesn't work out it might make working with him a bit... weird. I'd like to tell him together."

Rodney shrugged after a moment. "I suppose that makes sense."

"Cool. Thanks."

"It's the least I can do for my... boyfriend." Rodney said the word slowly, like he was trying it out. He yawned widely and asked, "I should probably go, but I am way, way too relaxed right now to get dressed."

"You can stay as long as you want," Evan said. "We'll just be careful when we leave."

"Good." With that Rodney closed his eyes, shifted around a little and folded his hands on his stomach. He didn't stay that way for long, though - within a minute he rolled on his side, curled up a little, and snuggled against Evan's side, all while emitting soft, snuffling snores.

"You're a real piece of work, Rodney," Evan said fondly. He sat up so he could reach the foot of the bed and pull the light blanket sitting there up to cover them. He pressed a soft kiss to Rodney's forehead and settled in to sleep himself. "Good night."

 

**== Part 8 - Nuclear Physics ==**

When Evan woke up the next morning to the terror that was Rodney McKay without any coffee, and much to his own horror he found that Rodney in that state was actually a bit endearing. Rodney probably wasn't as bad as he could have been, though, because Evan manhandled Rodney into the shower before he'd really woken up. While it wasn't as relaxing as a hot tub it was a still a spacious, multi-sprayer affair that made mornings much more enjoyable. The blowjob Evan gave him probably helped Rodney's mood considerably as well - Evan knew the one he got in return certainly cheered him up.

When they got out of the shower and were dressed, they discovered that they had over-slept. They ate a quick breakfast together, neither saying much, and then rushed off their separate ways. Evan's day was a typical blur of administrative work and meetings. Only three conversations in particular stood out from the day. The first was during his lunch with David.

"Oh. My. God," David said as he sat down across from Evan. He peered at Evan's face. "You got laid last night."

Evan flushed and looked down at his tray. He knew there was no point in denying it. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"McKay?"

"Yeah."

"So how'd it go?" David asked, voice soft and slightly concerned. "I mean, you had sex, but other than that?"

"I'm now Doctor Rodney McKay's boyfriend." Evan flashed David a wry grin. "May God have mercy on me."

"Good for you." David smiled back at him. "I guess that's it for us, then."

"Sorry, but I've got a good feeling about this."

David shook his head quickly. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I knew this wasn't going to last. I'm happy for you."

"We'll see how long it takes you to change your tune once you've gone a few weeks without having sex."

"I've managed before," David said with a shrug. "Besides, I can find someone else to relax with."

"Got your sights set on anyone?"

"I was thinking Winchester."

Evan's eyes widened. "You've got to be shitting me. Which one?"

"Why not both?"

Evan blinked a few times. "Well, it's your funeral."

They both chuckled, and David shook his head again. "It's a nice thought, but it'd probably be better to look outside the team, maybe find someone to settle down with myself. Chuck's kind of cute, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess he is. Good luck, and try not to anger any over-protective older brothers."

Later that day, Evan was doing his afternoon workout with Teyla when a remarkably similar conversation took place. It was much shorter and involved less discussion of Evan's sex life, although only marginally so. They were in the middle of a series of katas when Teyla spoke up.

"Rodney appeared much more relaxed than usual this morning."

"Did he," Evan said noncommittally.

"He did. You do as well. I take it you have worked out your issues?"

"I think so, yeah. I should have known you were right about giving it a chance."

"That is good to hear." Teyla smiled gently. "I wish you the best of luck, and a long and fruitful partnership."

Evan smiled back. "Thanks."

"Also, if you harm him, I will be forced to beat you severely. I shall make it known to Rodney that there reverse applies as well."

Evan gulped. "Roger that, ma'am."

Finally, Evan ended the working day with a meeting with Sheppard, during which he tried to explain that official policy suggestions that would be read by the Joint Chiefs shouldn't use the word 'shitheads' quite so much. Sheppard had been working hard at his physical therapy and getting increasingly antsy as the weeks passed. Evan was half-surprised the man wasn't vibrating right off his seat, given how much pent-up energy he seemed to have.

"Oh, by the way," Sheppard said as they were wrapping things up for the day. "Keller says I'll be ready for duty next Thursday."

Evan froze, and then said, "That's good news," in as level a voice as he could manage.

"I'll say. It's about fucking time. I think I spent less time recovering after having a building fall on me." Sheppard shook his head in disgust. "Anyways, it means that if you can make it through two more missions without getting kidnapped, blow up, zapped by weird radiation, or turned into a bug, you'll have beaten my own best record for trouble-free time with my team by a long shot."

"Really?" Evan raised his eyebrows. "That's kind of sad, sir."

"Shut up, major. And good work - I really appreciate that you've taken care of them."

Evan wondered how Sheppard would react if he knew how he'd taken care of Rodney the previous night, but instead of asking he smiled and said, "It's been a pleasure, sir. They're a great group."

"That they are, Lorne. That they are."

That evening, Evan popped by Rodney's lab with dinner. Radek was there too, but Evan had been expecting that and had brought enough food for three. Evan listened to the two of them argue about the latest proposed jumper upgrades, the mini-fabricator in the jumper bay they used to make spares, and the possibility of using that and the plans for the new F-312s and A-301s to build a better space fighter, partially because they could and partially just to show up the people at Area 51. Evan occasionally offered comments of his own from a pilot's point of view, but mostly he just sat back and watched the two bounce ideas and insults off each other. As a few hours passed, Rodney seemed to become increasingly distracted, especially after Evan took off his outer shirt and boots in order to relax. Radek seemed to find that amusing.

Rodney called it an early night and shortly afterwards they were in his quarters, where Evan fucked him senseless.

They followed more or less the same pattern for the next week. Evan and Rodney would do their jobs, occasionally have a meal together, hang out with their friends and more or less act as if nothing much had changed. Then, late at night, they would meet up and fuck line bunnies. They spent the night together twice, which of course meant morning sex, and there was one relaxing evening spent in Rodney's hot tub. On Saturday, Rodney showed up for movie night and took some good-natured ribbing with a surprisingly large amount of grace, only threatening to kill Winchester the Elder twice. The mission to P4X-073 went amazingly well, with the natives genuinely welcoming them with open arms and sending them home with a trade treaty and overflowing baskets of fresh strawberries.

It was quite possibly the best week of Evan's life, at the end of one of the best months of his life, in what was shaping up to be the best year of his life. In short, things were going amazingly well, which was probably why God, the Fates, a Random Ascended Being, or the Universe itself decided to blow him up.

It was a Wednesday, one of Evan's less favorite days, and the team was their last mission before Sheppard returned to duty. The Ancient database had spat out the address of an outpost constructed during the Lantean -Wraith War. It had been used for some kind of unspecified technical research, but as was often the case the database was distressingly lacking in details. The MALP showed a sunny plain with a low hill in the distance, and so the team was sent to check it out.

"Okay, Rodney, you've got to have some idea about what this is," Evan said as they walked towards the hill. "What can we expect? Power generators? Spaceships? Space guns?"

"Yes, because clearly I can know that thanks to my wonderful powers of precognition," Rodney said, without even looking up from his scanner. "Oh, wait, I don't have those. You read the same database entry that I did, Major, so I don't see why you think I would know anything about the outpost than you do."

"I just thought you might have seen some science thing that I wouldn't have noticed."

"A 'science thing' which I conveniently forgot to mention at the briefing?"

Behind them, Ronon chuckled. "Wouldn't put it past you."

Rodney twisted around to scowl at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You forget sometimes. Haven't figured out yet if it's always an accident or if you do it on purpose sometimes."

"I most certainly do not!" Rodney squawked.

"Do to."

"Do not!"

"Do to."

"There have been a few, very rare occasions in which you have forgotten to relay information, Rodney," Teyla interjected before they could continue further. "However, I am sure that is always on accident."

"When have I done that?"

"M1X-803. Another Ancient outpost, which you forgot to mention was built for the purpose of studying flying reptiles."

"Well, I can hardly be blamed for forgetting that note zoology gave me," Rodney said with a sniff. "Besides, it's not like it specified there would be dragons."

"I believe it did, actually."

"Be that as it may," Rodney said loudly. "I read the records very thoroughly this time and I assure you that there was nothing in the database entry other than a brief note saying this was a research outpost for real science, as opposed to biology. Honestly, you would think after this long you'd have a bit of confidence in me."

"We do not doubt your skills," Teyla said gently, "simply your... ability to pass on seemingly unimportant details."

"Ignore them, Rodney," Evan said. He leered a little. "I for one have completely confidence in your abilities in all areas."

Rodney frowned. "Why are you looking at me like - oh. Oh my God, why are you doing that in public? People could see you! And it wouldn't take a genius to figure out what you meant by abilities!"

"We're the only people on the planet; it's not 'in public'."

Ronon laughed deeply. "He must be good in bed if you put up with him."

While Rodney sputtered, Evan pointedly replied, "I am an officer and a gentleman, Ronon, and gentlemen never kiss and tell." Then he looked over his shoulder and winked. "But I will say that he's just as brilliant there as he is in the lab."

"Okay, I think it's time for you both to shut up," Rodney snapped, but despite his words he was lifting his chin and preening a little just like he did whenever he was demonstrating his immense intellect.

"Shutting up," Evan said. He didn't stay shut up for long, though. "Rodney, shouldn't we be at the outpost by now?"

"Hmmm. Actually, according to the map it should be right about..." Rodney pointed at the hill. "There, actually."

Evan frowned and looked at it. It seemed to be a normal enough hill, perhaps a four or five hundred yards across and maybe sixty or so feet tall, with a round shape like an upside-down bowl. It was overgrown with the same tall grass as the rest of the area. Now that Evan thought about it and looked around, he realized that it was about the only actual hill for a mile or two around.

"Great," he said. "It's been buried. I suppose that's just typical."

"It is possible it was located underground intentionally to hide it from the Wraith," Teyla suggested.

"Makes sense. There still could be an entrance, then," Evan replied. "Ronon, Teyla, you circle around west, Rodney and I will go east. Keep your eyes open, it's possible the entrance could be under a layer of dirt after this long."

Teyla nodded and she and Ronon went on their way. Evan and Rodney tromped along in the opposite direction. If Evan hadn't known better he'd never have guessed there was anything special around. He had the suspicion that they would end up crawling all over the hill before they managed to find anything, assuming there was still anything to find. After this long, it was entirely possible the outpost had collapsed. Then again, the Antarctic outpost had spent over a million years under a glacier, so maybe they would get lucky.

A few minutes later, after they'd gotten about a quarter of the way around the hill, Rodney held out an arm to stop Evan. "Hang on, I think I've got something." He pointed his scanner at the ground and nodded. "Yeah, there's definitely something right here."

Evan squatted down where Rodney had indicated. "Can you tell how deep it is? We might have to come back with digging tools."

"It should be just below the surface. Try, I don't know, poking down with a stick or something."

"A stick," Evan repeated flatly. He pulled out his ka-bar and prodded at the dirt, scrapping the outer layer of away as he did. Much to his surprise, he hit something just a few inches below the surface. He dug a little hole that revealed the shiny orange-brown metal that much of Atlantis was made of. "Looks like you're right. Can you tell what it is?"

Rodney squatted next to him. "Hmm, no, but there's a pretty substantial mass of metal right here. I think there's more further down. Can you touch it?"

"If you want me to," Evan said. Chances were it wouldn't do anything, but unlike some people Evan was always careful about touching unknown Ancient devices. He lightly touched the surface and though _'on'_ and _'open'_ to see what would happen. After a second, there was a rumble from directly next to them.

"Back, back!" Evan shouted. They scrambled away and watched as the ground split open where they had been. A hatch lifted upwards, taking a layer of earth and plants with it and showering dirt around. A small room a little larger than the rear of a jumper was revealed, with another set of doors at the far wall.

"Huh," Rodney said. "That's convenient."

"I bet the entrance was covered up since the Ancients left," Evan said. "I'm guessing you want to go inside?"

"Of course I do," Rodney replied, already walking inside. Ahead, the door opened up, but only halfway and Rodney was forced to squeeze through sideways. Lights turned on inside to reveal a long corridor. Evan rolled his eyes and after radioing to Teyla and Ronon he ran to catch up with Rodney. They soon came to a hexagonal room a few hundred feet inside the ground. There were several consoles and doors leading off in two of the other walls.

"This looks like a control room," Rodney said. He powered on one of the consoles and started to tap at the controls. A screen lit up and started to scroll off information. "Hmm. Looks like it's running on emergency power right now, but it says the main power unit is on standby."

"A ZPM?" Evan asked. It would be just about the best way possible to cap off his month with the team.

"No, but something close." Rodney turned around and headed to one of the walls. He waved a hand over an apparently blank spot and a tray popped out like a computer's optical drive. Evan came over to see an amber-color disc sitting inside it. "We've seen a few references to these before. They're not exactly a mini-ZPM - in fact, nothing like that at all, but they can be used to massively boost the output of smaller generators."

"I think I've seen one of those before, in a mission report," Evan said thoughtfully. "The Eye of Tiamat."

"Yeah, we've suspected for a while those were actually Ancient technology, just like everything else Anubis was using," Rodney commented. He returned to the main console. "Whatever the Ancients were doing here, it was something that needed a power booster, but not a full ZPM."

"Should we take it home with us?"

Rodney nodded. "Unless we need it here. I can think of about a thousand things we could do with the extra power, and - huh."

"Huh?" Evan frowned. "What does 'huh' mean?"

"It means that more systems are turning on."

"Is that good or bad?" Evan asked, but before he'd even said it he could tell from Rodney's expression that it was definitely either bad or very bad.

"Very, very bad," Rodney confirmed, hands flying across the console. "The Ancients didn't have time to properly shut things down, and now a lot of the equipment is malfunctioning. In fact, I'm pretty sure that several of the main power relays are about to -" there was a distant rumble. "Overload."

"Can you stop it?"

"Give me a minute," Rodney answered at first, but then there was another, louder rumble that shook the entire room. "Actually, no."

There was a third shake, this one feeling even closer, and Evan shoved Rodney towards the exit. "Okay, time to go."

"You're not going to get an argument from me!" Rodney shouted, taking off down the corridor. Evan started to follow, but then an idea struck him. He dashed back to the power tray and snatched the disc, tucking it inside his tack vest, then sprinted after Rodney. In the distance he could see Rodney already standing out in the field. There was a loud boom and the lights went out.

Evan was just squeezing through the door when a final massive explosion ripped down the hall. An agonizingly powerful wave of heat washed over him and it felt like he was hit by a freight train. Evan went flying through the air and landed with a sickening thud and the sound of breaking bones. His entire right side felt like it was on fire and he could barely breathe at all. Distantly he heard Rodney screaming. He passed out from the pain for a moment or two and when he came he was staring up at the clear blue sky and Rodney was kneeling over him.

"Get back to the gate," he was yelling into his radio. "Tell them we need a jumper with a trauma team, now!"

"Hey Rodney," Evan gasped. "Looks like I fucked that one up, didn't it?"

"Look, don't, don't talk," Rodney said urgently. His eyes were wide and panicked. "Don't move, don't talk, don't do anything. I just gave you some morphine, how do you feel?"

Evan tried to give him a thumbs-up, but found he couldn't move his right arm. "Fine."

"Fine? You're not fine, you were just in an explosion!" Rodney disappeared from Evan's vision for a few seconds. "God, I need a tourniquet, where the hell is the damned thing? There it is. Okay, I can do this. Don't worry, Teyla's coming with the other medical kit and Ronon's going to the gate, and then we'll have a jumper here in no time."

"How bad is it?" Evan asked as Rodney did something he couldn't see or feel.

Rodney came back into view. Evan's vision was getting blurry, but he could still see Rodney's worried eyes clearly. "Bad. I mean good. Really just great. You're only burnt a little, a few broken bones, nothing to worry about. Except your leg, oh fuck, your leg... I mean, nothing wrong at all. You'll be fine."

"Rodney." Evan reached up with his good arm and grabbed the front of Rodney's vest. It was painful to speak, but he forced himself to say, "Just so you know, if I don't make it..."

"No, no, no!" Rodney shouted. "You're going to make it!"

"I love you."

He blacked out.

 

**== Part 9 - Man-Machine Interface ==**

 

Evan woke up to find himself in the infirmary. That wasn't too unexpected, but what did catch him by surprise was the complete lack of pain. Either the aftermath of the explosion had seemed a lot worse than it had been, he was on really, really good drugs, or he was actually dead. He hoped that heaven or some higher plane of existence didn't look like the infirmary, so he discarded that possibility, and he was too clear-headed to be on heavy painkillers. He had probably just imagined half of what had happened because of a head injury or something along those lines. All things considered, that seemed like as good an outcome as could be desired.

He turned his head and saw that Rodney was sitting in a chair to the right of his bed, slumped down and staring morosely off into space. Evan gave him a faint smile and said, "Hey, Rodney."

Rodney practically jumped out of his chair. "You're awake! Thank God. _Jennifer!_. He's awake!"

"Okay, how about you turn down the volume, Rodney?" Evan asked. He started fiddling with the controls of the bed and by the time Keller came rushing into the ward he had managed to get himself sitting up straight. "Howdy, doc"

"Howdy?" Rodney repeated in a strangled voice.

"Good afternoon, Major," Keller said, considerably more calmly. "How do you feel?"

"Never better," Evan replied. "I could have sworn I got knocked around pretty badly, but I must not have."

Rodney made a choking sound. "You nearly died, you idiot!"

Evan looked to Keller for confirmation. She winced and nodded while pulling out a medical scanner, which she ran over his body. "It was pretty touch-and-go for a while there."

"Huh." Evan looked down at himself and couldn't see anything wrong. "How long was I out? I wasn't in a coma or something, was I?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Keller quickly said. "Actually, you've only been sleeping for about ten hours. It's 2530." Her scanner beeped at her and she studied the display. "Well... it looks like you really are fine. It's amazing."

"Of course he's fine, after I had to put him back together!" Rodney spat. He pointed an accusatory finger at Evan. "And you, you, I can not believe what an inconsiderate bastard you are! What the hell were you thinking, stopping for that damned power device?"

"Did I at least manage to save it?" Evan asked, hoping to distract Rodney before he could work himself up to a full-blown rant.

"Yes, and we've got it down in the lab, it's actually quite fascinating and -" Rodney stopped, snapped his fingers, and glared. "You are not getting out of this that easily, Major!"

Evan winced at the use of his title. "Look, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Keller said, aiming a sharp look at Rodney. "Rodney, how about you step outside for a minute? I've got some things I need to discuss with Major Lorne and it would be easier if you weren't attacking him."

"No, wait," Evan said quickly. "Actually, Doctor Keller, if you could give me and Rodney some privacy, I'd really appreciate it."

"Why?" she asked, looking between Rodney and Evan. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows practically reached her hairline. "Ooooh. Right. I'll be right outside, holler if you need anything."

Once Keller was gone, Evan quietly said, "I really am sorry if you've been worrying about me. I thought I'd have time to just grab it and run."

Rodney crossed his arms and stopped scowling quite as much. "Hmph. Well, that's understandable. That's not what I'm really annoyed with anyways."

Evan sighed and rubbed his forehead. "How about you fill me in on what happened after the explosion? It's all a blur."

"Right. Um. You're probably wondering why you're not, you know, charred and missing pieces," Rodney rubbed his hands together nervously. "We had to take you to the Ancient medical center and stick you in one of the full-body units, and it pretty much fixed the minor injuries at the same time as the big ones."

"How bad was it?" Evan asked.

Rodney tried to smile at him. "Well. There were some pretty bad burns, especially on your right side. And quite a few broken bones. Plus all the shrapnel and the force of the blast messed you up pretty badly, especially your arms and legs. And, uh, your eye and lower back. Plus there was a concussion, a couple missing teeth, your ear was torn up a bit..."

It hurt Evan to see Rodney trying to be cheerful when he was clearly feeling miserable. "Rodney. Just tell me."

Rodney's shoulders slumped. "Your right arm was pretty much completely shattered, so we replaced it. And your right leg was gone from just above the knee, and there was enough damage to the rest that we replaced the entire thing. Plus your right eye, which was blinded, and patches of your spinal cord, and about half your skin on that side of your body and those teeth I mentioned. Your hair, too, but that hardly matters compared to the rest. It's a miracle you survived long enough for use to get you home."

"Oh." That would certainly explain why he wasn't feeling any pain from the limbs and that he hadn't actually imagined how bad things had seemed. He held up his hands next to each other and looked closely at them, but other than the left being a bit more tan he couldn't tell them apart at all. He clenched his fist experimentally. "It doesn't feel any different."

"That's kind of the point. Although I think the eye can see into the ultraviolet and infrared, if you tell it too, which is pretty cool."

Evan looked up at Rodney with a grin. "Winchester is going to mad that I've one-upped him on the cyborg thing."

"What?" Rodney stared at Evan in annoyed confusion. "That's all you have to say? You nearly become a half-blind multiple-amputee and all you can think of is that one of your grunts will be jealous because he's no longer the one missing the most natural limbs?"

"I like to look on the bright side of things, Rodney." Evan shrugged. Maybe later he'd talk with Keller and get the full story, but at the moment all he could think of was that he was alive and in one piece, and that Rodney seemed to be as well. "How about you?

Rodney shook his head and waved his hand with a fluttering motion. "Just a few scratches. Other than the horrible scars on my psyche, and I really wish Kate was still here, you would think we could find a psychiatrist who would stay longer than six months. She understood."

Evan held out his right hand to Rodney, and frowned when it took Rodney a few seconds to take it. Rodney's skin didn't feel any different than it had before. "You can talk to me, if you need to."

Rodney snorted. "I can't talk to you, you're the problem!"

"What?" Evan paled, wondering if he had done something, said something to Rodney to hurt him in some way.

Rodney let go of his hand and stepped away from the bed, throwing up his hands as he did. "You! You and, and your getting yourself blown up and then making dying declarations of true love! How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? I can barely wrap my mind around the concept as it is, if you gone and died on my I probably would be emotionally crippled for life, maybe pine away and then the entire city would be destroyed because I'd be too busy moping to be brilliant. Well? Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"True love?" Evan repeated stupidly. "I said that?"

"Yes!" Rodney frowned and crossed his arms, seeming to shrink in on himself and looking more vulnerable then Evan had ever seen him before. "That wasn't just the pain talking, was it?"

"No," Evan said in a daze. "I was just, you know. Hoping to save it for sometime special."

"Oh."

"Although I suppose almost dying counts as special."

"Oh." Rodney fidgeted, shifted from foot to foot, and watched Evan intently. "I, um. Listen, you know I'm not good at articulating this sort of thing, because it's not really something I have a lot of experience with, but I guess I'm pretty certain - call it eighty-five, ninety percent - that I may also feel like I, you know. Feel the same about you."

A grin split Evan's face. "Cool." He looked down at himself and the hospital gown he was wearing. "I don't suppose I could get some real pants so we could get out of here, could I?"

Rodney hesitantly replied, "I don't see why not. Physically you're completely fine, although you might be a little tired. It shouldn't be hard to convince Jennifer to let you go for a while."

"Good." Evan swung his legs off the bed and stood. He felt a bit wobbly, but he bet that was from spending too long in a bed, not from anything else. He tugged on Rodney's sleeve. "Let's go."

"Wait, wait, hold on a second." Rodney held up a hand. "I tell you I love you, and all you can say is 'I want pants' and 'let's get out of the infirmary'? That's a bit pathetic."

"You didn't actually use the word, you know," Evan said. He pulled Rodney close against him. "But anyways, I mostly want to head to my place and thoroughly test out my new parts and make sure the rest of me is working fine."

"I told you - oh." Rodney grinned. "By all means, let's do some tests."

When Rodney kissed him, Evan decided that, explosion or not, it was definitely the new best day of his life.

 

**The End**


End file.
